1. Posted: November 13, 2012In:

    A brilliant, genetically engineered con-artist has three days to find the scientist who programmed her to die on her twenty first birthday.

    patrockd

    nice rewrite cynosurer! But how does an online dating service help sell the title "Expiration Date"?

    nice rewrite cynosurer! But how does an online dating service help sell the title “Expiration Date”?

    See less
    • 0
  2. Posted: November 14, 2012In:

    To distance himself from overbearing parents, high school freshman Michael Colantino finds himself compelled to create thoughtful hip-hop music in a world that overwhelmed with flashy and uninspired artists. Michael's friend Harry seeks help dealing with a dishonest truck driver.

    patrockd

    I think you should write one logline for each story within each episode. Each story should have its own protagonist, goal, obstacles and stakes. In TV the stakes don't have to be that high, especially the B and C plots.

    I think you should write one logline for each story within each episode. Each story should have its own protagonist, goal, obstacles and stakes. In TV the stakes don’t have to be that high, especially the B and C plots.

    See less
    • 0
  3. Posted: November 13, 2012In:

    A brilliant, genetically engineered con-artist has three days to find the scientist who programmed her to die on her twenty first birthday.

    patrockd

    Thank you Kriss and Lucius for the quick feedback! I agree it needs more but it's hard to say more with only 25 words! Lucius the 21st b-day is a big part of the concept...the young age makes it more tragic...is it not obvious it's 3days before her 21st? If not how about... With three days left to lRead more

    Thank you Kriss and Lucius for the quick feedback! I agree it needs more but it’s hard to say more with only 25 words! Lucius the 21st b-day is a big part of the concept…the young age makes it more tragic…is it not obvious it’s 3days before her 21st?

    If not how about…

    With three days left to live, a brilliant genetically engineered con artist must find the scientist who programmed her to die on her 21st birthday.

    See less
    • 0