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A lifelong wimp must learn to finally stand up for himself when his son is bullied by a mean boy with an even meaner dad.
This is quite good but I think you need to make it more specific. We've got our protagonist, the lifelong wimp and to a lesser extent his son. We've got our antagonist, the mean boy and his mean dad, but the goal is simply "stand up for himself". Can you not make that more specific? What is the actiRead more
This is quite good but I think you need to make it more specific. We’ve got our protagonist, the lifelong wimp and to a lesser extent his son. We’ve got our antagonist, the mean boy and his mean dad, but the goal is simply “stand up for himself”. Can you not make that more specific? What is the action that the dad has to take?
Also why is the protagonist, the dad and not the son? Why are we following the dad’s viewpoint of this story?
What is the inciting incident? Why can’t the lifelong wimp of a dad continue to be a wimp? How is he challenged at the beginning of the story to start being brave?
See lessA Nuclear Physicist turned to iron while saving the planet from destruction is shunned and betrayed by the world he saved and now seeks his revenge.
I agree with Nir, it's too vague but I'm laughing at the whole "Nuclear Physicist turned to iron" - don't know if thats part of the Black Sabbath song. Also might want to re-work the title as Iron Man is already taken.
I agree with Nir, it’s too vague but I’m laughing at the whole “Nuclear Physicist turned to iron” – don’t know if thats part of the Black Sabbath song.
See lessAlso might want to re-work the title as Iron Man is already taken.
With Earth on the brink of destruction, a despairing shuttle pilot leads a team to explore parallel worlds for a new home, but each new Earth they find has already met a cataclysmic fate within a year of own.
"within a year of own"? ?I think there should be a "their" before "own". Also a "shuttle" pilot? trying to reach other versions of Earth? Seriously? We earthlings aren't up on interstellar flight but wouldn't an interstellar craft be a bit more impressive than a shuttle? How fast are they, because iRead more
“within a year of own”? ?I think there should be a “their” before “own”.
Also a “shuttle” pilot? trying to reach other versions of Earth? Seriously? We earthlings aren’t up on interstellar flight but wouldn’t an interstellar craft be a bit more impressive than a shuttle? How fast are they, because if Earth is on the “brink of destruction”, don’t have a lot of time to do many interstellar flights, and get the human race to safety especially if all we’ve got are shuttles.
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