1. Posted: April 15, 2013In:

    Evading a nationwide manhunt, a twenty-first-century Dr. Jekyll attempts to clear his name before his split personality, Mr. Hyde, assassinates the president of the U.S.A.

    Jeremy Gordon

    He shoots... he scores... Thanks, Tor Dollhouse: Sure you've heard this before... you nailed it (hence the update). My only concern is, does this imply that the character is actually called Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde? And if so, does that even matter? Considering the only point of a logline is to get theRead more

    He shoots… he scores…

    Thanks, Tor Dollhouse:

    Sure you’ve heard this before… you nailed it (hence the update).

    My only concern is, does this imply that the character is actually called Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde? And if so, does that even matter? Considering the only point of a logline is to get the golden response… “send me the script”.

    Thanks again!!

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  2. Posted: April 15, 2013In:

    Evading a nationwide manhunt, a twenty-first-century Dr. Jekyll attempts to clear his name before his split personality, Mr. Hyde, assassinates the president of the U.S.A.

    Jeremy Gordon

    Thanks for the input, dpg: I'm interested to see what others think of your interpretation. To me personally, bitter-sweet implies a dark cloud with a bright silver lining. Sweet and sour. Yin and Yang. "Futile attempt" seemed stronger than "desperate attempt", however you're right I think, it implieRead more

    Thanks for the input, dpg:

    I’m interested to see what others think of your interpretation. To me personally, bitter-sweet implies a dark cloud with a bright silver lining. Sweet and sour. Yin and Yang.

    “Futile attempt” seemed stronger than “desperate attempt”, however you’re right I think, it implies/states that he never proves his innocence… thus giving the whole logline a “downer” feel. I’ll return to the thesaurus.

    Thank you again.

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  3. Posted: April 15, 2013In:

    Evading a nationwide manhunt, a twenty-first-century Dr. Jekyll attempts to clear his name before his split personality, Mr. Hyde, assassinates the president of the U.S.A.

    Jeremy Gordon

    Thanks for the feedback, brenkilco: Nice point on "how is the split personality relevant?". It is as you said, one is guilty, the other is innocent. His condition and supervillanous abilities are well established within the first 15 pages. I'll rework the logline to emphasize this fact. Perhaps onceRead more

    Thanks for the feedback, brenkilco:

    Nice point on “how is the split personality relevant?”. It is as you said, one is guilty, the other is innocent. His condition and supervillanous abilities are well established within the first 15 pages. I’ll rework the logline to emphasize this fact.

    Perhaps once this is done, it answers your third point “why is his innocence still relevant?”… so again, thank you.

    Ahh yes, the ending… This work is actually an adaptation from Glen Patrick’s, Rewired. The ending had me in stitches, tears and an odd feeling of joy and satisfaction. Bitter-sweet is the best word I know to describe it.

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