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A young Marine on weekend leave is abducted by an unreliable spy who recruits him to extract a suspected defector from an enemy planet before interstellar war breaks out.
You haven't really told us why they must extract the suspected defectorIs it because after the war breaks out they won't get another chance? (War is inevitable, this is their only window) or is it because if they can extract the defector they might be able to stop the war. (If this is the case you sRead more
You haven’t really told us why they must extract the suspected defector
Is it because after the war breaks out they won’t get another chance? (War is inevitable, this is their only window)
or is it because if they can extract the defector they might be able to stop the war. (If this is the case you should tell us why extracting the defector would stop the war)
Your logline isn’t clear on that.
See lessA young Marine on weekend leave is abducted by an unreliable spy who recruits him to extract a suspected defector from an enemy planet before interstellar war breaks out.
There is a bit to this, I would drop the 'weekend leave' it doesn't seem to add anything to the logline and also you should add a better adjective than 'young' to describe the marine. Most marines are 30 or younger, don't need to say young.
There is a bit to this, I would drop the ‘weekend leave’ it doesn’t seem to add anything to the logline
See lessand also you should add a better adjective than ‘young’ to describe the marine. Most marines are 30 or younger, don’t need to say young.
To overcome her posttraumatic stress disorder, a withdrawn orphaned girl, who suffers from hallucinations, decides to confide in a stranger and move to him being unaware he hides a horrifying secret connected with her past.
There is a difference between someone deciding to do something and someone doing somethingIn your logline she 'decides to confide in a stranger', however it would be better to say, 'she confides in a stranger'.
There is a difference between someone deciding to do something and someone doing something
In your logline she ‘decides to confide in a stranger’, however it would be better to say, ‘she confides in a stranger’.
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