1. Posted: April 5, 2019In:

    After an altercation over some pocket change escalates, a failed actor inadvertently takes another man hostage and must now reach the public in order to avoid arrest.

    Robb Ross Samurai

    For the next attempt...>> After an altercation over some pocket change escalates,Sounds like a Larry David scenario, but it can be clearer. "After a fight over a dollar...". ? Is that more accurate?>> a failed actorTry a little more specific as it's not clear what he does at the moment.Read more

    For the next attempt…

    >> After an altercation over some pocket change escalates,

    Sounds like a Larry David scenario, but it can be clearer. “After a fight over a dollar…”. ? Is that more accurate?

    >> a failed actor

    Try a little more specific as it’s not clear what he does at the moment. Usually an actor is struggling, washed up, sells out, quits and does something else, etc. Also the age range if it’s not implied with an adjustment.? The character, flaw or issue usually creates irony or extra conflict…what’s special about this actor in such a predicament? Why an actor?

    >> inadvertently takes another man hostage

    Explain how it’s inadvertent, otherwise it’s confusing and not the good kind of question a logline should raise. Is it really a man who was not involved in the altercation? The logline should make it clear how the altercation connects to the hostage taking.

    >> and must now reach the public in order to avoid arrest

    Confusing. What exactly is he trying to achieve?

    Clarify or heighten the stakes as arrest doesn’t seem like too big a deal for a logline.

    My two cents.

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  2. Posted: April 3, 2019In:

    With the help of the gods, the son of the Devil goes to earth to send the demons and creatures back to Hell that escaped after an explosion opens up a pathway for them to leave before they overrun earth and destroy everything.

    Robb Ross Samurai

    Is this the TV show from a few weeks ago? Too many questions here...it's certainly good that the protag is different, but more info is needed to understand it and see the appeal.

    Is this the TV show from a few weeks ago?

    Too many questions here…it’s certainly good that the protag is different, but more info is needed to understand it and see the appeal.

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  3. Posted: April 3, 2019In:

    During an arrest on a train, the leader must lead his team through the full speed train filled with flesh eating demons to the engine car, where they must find a way to get off the train before it crashes.

    Robb Ross Samurai

    Wait, first you replied that it's not the FBI and then wrote FBI team. So which is it? If it's not the FBI, the logline has to say what kind of team it is. Otherwise, it's vague and confusing. The criminal part might even be a third objective. Is it of major importance that he survive? (That's movieRead more

    Wait, first you replied that it’s not the FBI and then wrote FBI team. So which is it? If it’s not the FBI, the logline has to say what kind of team it is. Otherwise, it’s vague and confusing.

    The criminal part might even be a third objective. Is it of major importance that he survive? (That’s movie morality, not my own!)

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