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During the Oscars, knowing that it would be a highly televised award show with top actors and celebrities are kidnapped and held hostage by the Russian Mafia demanding the release of their crime boss who has been detained in the US. A stuntman in attendance and a famous actress whom he had dated previously must help in rescuing all the hostages including his mom who he brought to the award ceremony.
You're welcome. While it's better to have too much than too little, the next version of the logline can be shorter.>> knowing that it would be a highly televised award show with top actors and celebritiesCut. Part of saying Oscars (or any show) is the understanding of the quoted part. Better yRead more
You’re welcome. While it’s better to have too much than too little, the next version of the logline can be shorter.
>> knowing that it would be a highly televised award show with top actors and celebrities
Cut. Part of saying Oscars (or any show) is the understanding of the quoted part. Better you try to trim the rest.
>> including his mom who he brought to the award ceremony.
This is good. Aside from the obvious personal stakes, it can help with a possible theme of ‘Is a celebrity’s life more valuable than a civilian’s?’ Though thinking of that for a few moments makes me wonder if it would be better to have fewer hostages. Going further, a couple of actors, a couple of singers, etc., and this way there’s the deeper question of ‘Is one entertainer’s life more valuable than another?’ (I figure it’s better to share such thoughts, take ’em or leave ’em as you wish.)
It’s also good that the leads have a little conflict between them (that came to mind afterwards!). However, what does “famous actress” do for the story? Picturing Jennifer Lawrence as herself is more confusing or flat than cool or funny. The only thing that comes to mind right away is that she’s on a bad streak and out to save, say, a director who’s next movie she desperately wants to be in.
Either clarifying the female lead or adjusting another word or three can help with the tone, action or action-comedy. I assume it’s the latter.
See lessDuring the Oscars, knowing that it would be a highly televised award show with top actors and celebrities are kidnapped and held hostage by the Russian Mafia demanding the release of their crime boss who has been detained in the US. A stuntman in attendance and a famous actress whom he had dated previously must help in rescuing all the hostages including his mom who he brought to the award ceremony.
Good start.>> When a highly attended award show with top actors and celebritiesOscars (or Golden Globes)... Many spec scripts today cover things they don't have permission for (since they're writing samples and being produced has lottery-like odds) so consider grabbing, not pinching, the readeRead more
Good start.
>> When a highly attended award show with top actors and celebrities
Oscars (or Golden Globes)… Many spec scripts today cover things they don’t have permission for (since they’re writing samples and being produced has lottery-like odds) so consider grabbing, not pinching, the reader’s attention.? It also helps to cut fat from the logline.
Next take, consider two leads who will be ironic in that situation. As is, they feel like a letdown to the premise. A martial artist sounds too convenient or out of place. A stunt man (who knows martial arts) would be understandable and can tap into the current attempts to get stunt work recognized by the Academy. Then say more about the actor or consider who else might be better in that role. Clarify the genders, very likely readers will expect one of two leads in such a tale to be a woman.
An awards show seems to ask that the gangsters or their objective connect to Hollywood/movies. Is there a theme yet?
>> and save the city from destruction.
Cut. Saving the hostages is enough stakes for the logline (and, seemingly, for the script). In the script, why would city stakes develop?
See less“When he discovers his multi-million dollar trust fund is locked away behind legal red tape, a broke Nigerian Prince uses the internet in order to convince highly pessimistic Americans to help him raise the money, so his funds will be released.”—- (Practice Logline)—- Title: Trust me (Maybe-Go fund me)
Another way this might be clarified is that he starts honest and soon sees the scam (a friend or relative does it) as his best chance at the money. It could also be his last hope after other things fail. But again, what would be the story after that? If the spoiled part remains, then the stakes of mRead more
Another way this might be clarified is that he starts honest and soon sees the scam (a friend or relative does it) as his best chance at the money. It could also be his last hope after other things fail. But again, what would be the story after that?
If the spoiled part remains, then the stakes of money might work if this is clarified as a wrong pursuit (where he learns near the end of the script to use the money for others and not himself).
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