1. Posted: March 18, 2019In:

    When he falls in love with an alcoholic cop in rehab, a drug addicted mobster must keep his new love from discovering his mafia heritage in order to run away with her and escape his toxic family.

    Robb Ross Samurai

    Agree with Mike.There are many movies (and that means even more scripts) with a criminal and cop falling in love, though I can't say this exact plot is familiar. Then the mafia part is pass? and the two create a vibe of the story being less than great. Must he be Italian? Must she be a cop or can shRead more

    Agree with Mike.

    There are many movies (and that means even more scripts) with a criminal and cop falling in love, though I can’t say this exact plot is familiar. Then the mafia part is pass? and the two create a vibe of the story being less than great. Must he be Italian? Must she be a cop or can she be a teacher or a target’s daughter? Is there something else significant that hasn’t been mentioned?

    Is it plausible for a drug user to be at AA often enough to fall in love?

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  2. Posted: March 15, 2019In:

    The true story of a family man whose congressional testimony?delivered while hooked up to a dialysis machine?leads to landmark legislation making dialysis treatments universally available. Working title: God Committee

    Robb Ross Samurai

    Bear with me, sometimes I care too much. ;-) The torture of a hospital deciding on his access to dialysis treatment sends a dying family man on a showdown with Congress seeking universal coverage. Based on the true events from 1972. vs. After meeting someone rejected by a hospital for access to dialRead more

    Bear with me, sometimes I care too much. 😉

    The torture of a hospital deciding on his access to dialysis treatment sends a dying family man on a showdown with Congress seeking universal coverage. Based on the true events from 1972.

    vs.

    After meeting someone rejected by a hospital for access to dialysis treatment, a family man who gets treatment takes on Washington seeking universal coverage.

    I can even see the whole script about the time before and during the process and wait for the GC. A couple of pages jumping ahead to the Congress part would be the denouement, Then, the protag can be anyone else.

    With his kidneys failing, a family man’s personal and professional lives are thrown into turmoil as he waits for a hospital committee to decide on his access to limited dialysis treatment. Based on true events before universal coverage in 1972..

    (The loglines have room to improve.)

    My three cents.

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  3. Posted: March 17, 2019In:

    A junior level cyber crimes analyst searches for the truth behind a college student?s death and a smartphone App that supposedly takes the life of whoever agrees to its terms of service. Now she must find the tech savy killer before he strikes his next victim, her family.

    Robb Ross Samurai

    Good start.Next take, add the manner in which people die because I expect that to be more than just them collapsing. Or say more about the terms. There are a few movies (and many scripts) with killer phones so details are important to make this stand out. The details can also help clarify if this isRead more

    Good start.

    Next take, add the manner in which people die because I expect that to be more than just them collapsing. Or say more about the terms. There are a few movies (and many scripts) with killer phones so details are important to make this stand out. The details can also help clarify if this is a slasher horror or a dark thriller.

    >> A junior level cyber crimes analyst

    This means she’s close to having all the ability to finding the perp. Instead, consider a protag who would have a harder time succeeding. If this is a slasher or otherwise for that general market, then is such a protag ideal? Usually the protag is teen to college-age because of the people who watch that kind of flick.

    When in the script do you see the protag’s family being targeted? If it’s the Midpoint or earlier, make it meatier in the logline. If it’s Act III, no need for it in the logline and it’s anyway assumed she or a loved one would end up in the crosshairs,

    Once she knows the family is targeted, wouldn’t it be easy to prevent danger by telling them not to? download or use that app? This connects to the first comment…need more for the mental picture and sharpness of the hook.

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