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“When he discovers his multi-million dollar trust fund is locked away behind legal red tape, a broke Nigerian Prince uses the internet in order to convince highly pessimistic Americans to help him raise the money, so his funds will be released.”—- (Practice Logline)—- Title: Trust me (Maybe-Go fund me)
Cute idea at the core.Agree with variable. The next take can create more of a mental picture of what the protag does most of the story. The specific antag and conflict.Why does a prince have a bureaucratic issue? Being spoiled means his family has money so both his desire for the money and the problRead more
Cute idea at the core.
Agree with variable. The next take can create more of a mental picture of what the protag does most of the story. The specific antag and conflict.
Why does a prince have a bureaucratic issue? Being spoiled means his family has money so both his desire for the money and the problem getting it can be stronger.
Why does he try Americans? Is there a specific person he feels most confident about and spends considerable time with?
Stakes are needed that are more than money. If he’s legit, it can be money for, say, a school.
It’s not clear, but this seems to? be an attempt at “The Nigerian Prince Who Cried Wolf.” If yes, would it be better if he starts as a scammer? He could be, for example, a poor prince or the black sheep in the family. Or a regular guy who discovers he’s of royal blood.? Still hard to see what would happen in most of Act II…though if he starts as a scammer, the natural path is that he connect with one of his victims.
The potential is there, curious to see where this goes.
See lessWhen a depressed maintenance worker discovers that the woman he loves has the same destructive personality disorder as his psychologist?s wife, he befriends the psychologist whose specific advice may help save his failing relationship.
Wanting to save the relationship with such a woman feels misguided of him. If that's the intention, that can certainly work, but it pays to clarify it. Start with being more specific than "destructive personality disorder." Or still clarify if we're rooting for the guy to succeed.
Wanting to save the relationship with such a woman feels misguided of him. If that’s the intention, that can certainly work, but it pays to clarify it. Start with being more specific than “destructive personality disorder.” Or still clarify if we’re rooting for the guy to succeed.
See lessWhen a depressed maintenance worker discovers that the woman he loves has the same destructive personality disorder as his psychologist?s wife, he befriends the psychologist whose specific advice may help save his failing relationship.
Yup.For the next version...What would the protag do in most of the script, talk to the psychologist and then talk to his gf?What is the conflict? Is it something with the psychologist or is it the protag working on his gf or...?What is the hook, the thing that would make people give the script a chaRead more
Yup.
For the next version…
What would the protag do in most of the script, talk to the psychologist and then talk to his gf?
What is the conflict? Is it something with the psychologist or is it the protag working on his gf or…?
What is the hook, the thing that would make people give the script a chance?
See less