1. Posted: May 14, 2020In:

    A down-on-his-luck videographer breaks his estranged mother out of prison to steal the grand prize from a filthy rich YouTuber – a million-dollar Bitcoin.

    Best Answer
    savinh0 Samurai

    Sounds like a fun comedy, Odie! I love concepts with two totally different main characters going against each other, especially in a fun and idiotic way ;)After I read your response to Mike I have a few questions:Does the mother help him in winning the prize or is she just a bystander??Is the grandRead more

    Sounds like a fun comedy, Odie! I love concepts with two totally different main characters going against each other, especially in a fun and idiotic way 😉

    After I read your response to Mike I have a few questions:

      • Does the mother help him in winning the prize or is she just a bystander?

    ?

      • Is the grand prize just an excuse from the videographer or does he actually want to win the prize? (You wrote it is just a red herring, that’s why I ask)

    ?

      • Do you want to focus your story on the relationship of these two? (I think that’s where you’re going right now)

    ?

    My advice to you is: Focus on the videographer and his estranged mother. I think this love-hate relationship has some great potential to make us laugh. Reminds me a little bit of Harry and Marv in Home alone 🙂

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  2. Posted: May 14, 2020In:

    It’s 2151 and a bio scientist finds herself in the middle of the largest coverup in history. She begins a race against time to expose her former CEO?s deceit or else mankind changes forever.

    savinh0 Samurai

    I have a problem with the wording of your logline. The story sounds interesting, but "the largest coverup in history" is too generic to get us excited for your main character. Replace this sentence with a more detailed and visual description like "In 2151, when the whole world is contaminated and unRead more

    I have a problem with the wording of your logline. The story sounds interesting, but “the largest coverup in history” is too generic to get us excited for your main character. Replace this sentence with a more detailed and visual description like “In 2151, when the whole world is contaminated and uninhabitable, a bio scientist…”

    Also, give us a better outlook of your mid-point: “or else mankind changes forever” is pretty basic and can mean anything, even in a positive way. Try to find a better way in communicating it. Don’t use “deceit” for the CEO, maybe go with “the CEO’s responsibility”. He should be directly involved and responsible for this catastrophy if you want him to be the main antagonistic force in your story.

    ?

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  3. Posted: May 8, 2020In:

    A teenage loner meets his first love during lucid dreams and will have to choose between dream and reality, to be awaken without her or to never wake up.

    savinh0 Samurai

    Great concept, officialfrankromeo!The funny thing is: I had the same idea years ago, as I dreamt about a girl I've never seen before and whom I fell in love with in my dreams.I also posted a logline here on the website about it:https://loglines.org/logline/after-a-shy-teen-falls-in-love-with-an-unknRead more

    Great concept, officialfrankromeo!

    The funny thing is: I had the same idea years ago, as I dreamt about a girl I’ve never seen before and whom I fell in love with in my dreams.

    I also posted a logline here on the website about it:

    https://loglines.org/logline/after-a-shy-teen-falls-in-love-with-an-unknown-girl-he-dreams-of-every-night-he-sleeps-all-day-to-be-with-her-but-ultimately-he-has-to-overcome-his-shyness-in-order-to-find-a-real-girlfriend/

    All the best with it!

    I may try to write down my own take on it.

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