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A Lieutenant in a drug gang, misreads a situation killing his boss. This sparks an internal war eventually leading to the destruction of his gang, his death and the loss of their terroritary.
I like Richiev's version! Other than that: this story seems pretty fun. I would just prefer a clearer concept of your logline with a main character, a goal and the antagonist in it.
I like Richiev’s version!
Other than that: this story seems pretty fun. I would just prefer a clearer concept of your logline with a main character, a goal and the antagonist in it.
See lessA washed-up singer and a one-time novelist spend the night falling in love, but a dark secret from his past threatens to destroy their relationship.
I like the idea of two fallen stars finding each other and in the process not only growing as characters but also reanimating their careers. The problem with your logline is that a "dark secret from his past" is really vague and you'll have problems visualizing it in the process of your story. WhatRead more
I like the idea of two fallen stars finding each other and in the process not only growing as characters but also reanimating their careers.
See lessThe problem with your logline is that a “dark secret from his past” is really vague and you’ll have problems visualizing it in the process of your story. What is the secret of the protagonist and why is it preventing him from having a relationship with another person?
I say this because secrets are often, almost always, part of romance movies- both drama and comedy.
So in order to have a hook in your story, you need to describe his secret properly.
His outer goal is to get (keep) the woman, but his inner goal is to overcome his past and reveal his secret in order to be sincere to the beloved woman.
Now you can go on to explain the secret and build the obstacles for your protagonist.
A wannabe activist who aspires to join a larger action group gets a job at a mysterious energy company he believes is involved in illegal activities.
Sounds like a promising idea! Just make sure to be more specific in your wording. He needs to have a clear outer goal (want) that is properly described in your logline. And yes, "environmental activist" sounds better than just "activist", because it gives the reader a clear vision of the main characRead more
Sounds like a promising idea!
Just make sure to be more specific in your wording. He needs to have a clear outer goal (want) that is properly described in your logline.
And yes, “environmental activist” sounds better than just “activist”, because it gives the reader a clear vision of the main character and his background.
See less