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  1. Posted: March 4, 2018In: Thriller

    When an armed soldier takes a junior class hostage, two rookie teachers are forced to defend their class.

    savinh0 Samurai
    Added an answer on March 6, 2018 at 7:56 am

    I like the logline and the story seems to be not only fresh, but also very interesting. I would just add another element at the end of your logline. Maybe urgency gives your concept another boost.

    I like the logline and the story seems to be not only fresh, but also very interesting.
    I would just add another element at the end of your logline.
    Maybe urgency gives your concept another boost.

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  2. Posted: February 28, 2018In: SciFi

    When a top notch agent finds a drug that is killing people, she enlists the help of her lazy, post war, pension living boyfriend to aid her in finding out how to stop the drug before an entire city is wiped out.

    savinh0 Samurai
    Added an answer on February 28, 2018 at 1:41 am

    I like the structure of the logline. Every important element is mentioned. What I don't get is why the top notch agent enlists the help of her lazy, post war, pension living boyfriend? I wouldn't do that when I'm on my way to stop a drug that is threating to wipe out an entire city. In scripts likeRead more

    I like the structure of the logline. Every important element is mentioned.
    What I don’t get is why the top notch agent enlists the help of her lazy, post war, pension living boyfriend?
    I wouldn’t do that when I’m on my way to stop a drug that is threating to wipe out an entire city.
    In scripts like this you need CONTRAST between your two main characters. It works best when you have two different types of persons.
    You can create tension and conflict within your protagonists and, by that, drive the story forward.
    Just think about? Dr. Watson and Sherlock Holmes.
    This gives your story an extra boost.
    Another possibility is to add one character that doesn’t have any or maybe even bad experiences with being an agent.
    You stated in your logline that her boyfriend is a “post-war” guy.
    Maybe is he traumatized or was fired earlier on due to his incompetence. That way you can raise the stakes, because? your characters are not the type of persons you would think of succeeding in the first place. It makes for a great story concept.
    I hope that helps.

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  3. Posted: February 27, 2018In: Thriller

    After the crew of a huge freight ship sailing from Tunesia to New York opens a container, they discover a group of terrorists.

    savinh0 Samurai
    Added an answer on February 27, 2018 at 11:25 am

    You are just stating the inciting incident and the first plot point of your story. What happens after they discover the terrorists? What is the goal of your protagonist, as dpg already pointed out above?

    You are just stating the inciting incident and the first plot point of your story.
    What happens after they discover the terrorists? What is the goal of your protagonist, as dpg already pointed out above?

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