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two years after Selina was gone she meets Thomas again, who has to try everything to get her out of depression and win her heart
This is barely a coherent logline. Selina and Thomas tell us little about your lead characters. I would guess there are a few Thomas and Selinas out there in the world ;) So try describing your characters in a more specific, dramatic way. You can do this by adding the dramatic purpose of both man anRead more
This is barely a coherent logline.
Selina and Thomas tell us little about your lead characters. I would guess there are a few Thomas and Selinas out there in the world 😉
So try describing your characters in a more specific, dramatic way. You can do this by adding the dramatic purpose of both man and women in your story as your character description, like a flaw which represents the need of your characters. Depressive is one, for example. You used it at the end of your logline.
What I don’t get is: did they breakup before or were just friends? They meet again, but why does Thomas have to win her heart and get her out of depression. It comes a little bit out of nowhere.
Why do they have to get together now? Why weren’t they together before if they already knew each other? Was it because of their jobs, their different lifestyles? etc.
You always have to ask yourself this: Why this story- and why right now? Why two years and not, let’s say, 10?
See lessA traumatized ex-military professor must protect his students when he discovers that the dean and his colleagues are spies sent to eliminate him in a dangerous exercise of trust.
Confusing wording: Why does he have to protect his students when he's the one getting targeted? Also, protect is not strong enough imo. We want to know what he wants to do when he disvovers the truth about the dean and his colleagues.
Confusing wording: Why does he have to protect his students when he’s the one getting targeted?
See lessAlso, protect is not strong enough imo.
We want to know what he wants to do when he disvovers the truth about the dean and his colleagues.
In the aftermath of a high school shooting, a young popular teacher blames himself for failing to prevent it.
Agree with Mike. The teacher blames himself for the shooting, but you want to picture a story in your logline, not just a scene or two. The main conflict of your protagonist, along with his goal (goal and main conflict should be intertwined) are not mentioned in your version yet. He blames himself fRead more
Agree with Mike. The teacher blames himself for the shooting, but you want to picture a story in your logline, not just a scene or two. The main conflict of your protagonist, along with his goal (goal and main conflict should be intertwined) are not mentioned in your version yet.
He blames himself for the shooting. Why? And what does he do about it? What’s happening in the aftermath of this tragedy? Is there are a trial?
Key elements are still missing.
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