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Naive teenage girl was preparing for her wedding in medieval village until it was spoiled by an evil witch's curse. To prevent villagers from eating each other (literally) she must confront the witch and learn the truth about the village past.
Richiev is right; the first sentence is extraneous. Start with "when", "as", "before", or "after". "As a naive teen prepares her wedding, she learns more about village tradition, and must now confront a witch to prevent the locals from feeding on each other - literally!" You also want to target 30 wRead more
Richiev is right; the first sentence is extraneous. Start with “when”, “as”, “before”, or “after”.
“As a naive teen prepares her wedding, she learns more about village tradition, and must now confront a witch to prevent the locals from feeding on each other – literally!”
You also want to target 30 words or less (25 if possible) for a real effective logline.
Great title, too, unless “fairytell” should really be fairytale, but even then…
Good concept.
See lessWhen Ex-SEAL Trent is drafted by a mysterious women to participate in a 2 day battle to the death against a team of Spetsnaz he must win if he is ever to return to his wife.
Good start using "When"; No need for protag name unless famous; "drafted by a mysterious woman" doesn't show much enough conflict. Try explaining up front about the reason why he has to fight (it invilves seeing his wife again, but why?). Also, the Spetsnaz. Cool word, but no one knows what it is.
Good start using “When”; No need for protag name unless famous; “drafted by a mysterious woman” doesn’t show much enough conflict. Try explaining up front about the reason why he has to fight (it invilves seeing his wife again, but why?). Also, the Spetsnaz. Cool word, but no one knows what it is.
See lessA novice hit woman accidentally kills her first employer and now must take out an avenging mob when they threaten to kill her family and relatives.
Change it back- immediately! I can't sit idly by and watch someone destroy what was once close to perfect (in my opinion, of course). If this great concept is ignored because of a bad logline, I'll shoot you myself! ;)
Change it back- immediately! I can’t sit idly by and watch someone destroy what was once close to perfect (in my opinion, of course). If this great concept is ignored because of a bad logline, I’ll shoot you myself! 😉
See less