I like where this is going but I think the crux of your story is not clear based solely on this logline. ?There are a fair number of “diagnosed with cancer” stories around and I want to know what makes yours special. ?The way it reads, the cancer diagnosis ?is the inciting incident, the story goal is to win the competition but what are the stakes, dying first? ?I’d like to see some kind of irony like if she is so shy, maybe the competition will require her to “break out” of her shell. If winning is the external goal, maybe getting out of the cyber world and connecting with real people before she passes is the internal goal. ?Either way, I want to know why we should care (this sounds morbid) whether she dies before she wins (or at all.) ?Could also use an explanation as to why enlisting help from her former teammates would be a challenge (who turns down a dying cancer patient?) Keep at it until your logline does your story justice!

Although it’s a very different story, my favorite ex-con movie is the Shawshank Redemption (Unforgiven?comes to mind as well.) ?Watching the movie or reading the script?might be helpful to you?in digesting the above comments and?fleshing out your logline with the specifics of why we want to root for this ex-con, what his unique goal is and what’s at stake?beyond true love. ?Keep at it.