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  1. Posted: April 13, 2012In: Public

    After saving a victim at the hands of a notorious torturer, a ferociously driven young female FBI agent must help him find his identity in order to catch an infamous Crime Lord and silence her critics once and for all.

    SQM
    Added an answer on April 13, 2012 at 3:35 pm

    "After saving a victim at the hands of a notorious torturer, a ferociously driven young female FBI agent must help him find his identity in order to catch an infamous Crime Lord and silence her critics once and for all." Way too many adjectives. "To prove herself, a young female FBI agent aids a torRead more

    “After saving a victim at the hands of a notorious torturer, a ferociously driven young female FBI agent must help him find his identity in order to catch an infamous Crime Lord and silence her critics once and for all.”

    Way too many adjectives.

    “To prove herself, a young female FBI agent aids a torture victim to catch an infamous Crime Lord.”

    Better, but still don’t like it. Let me think on it some.

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  2. Posted: April 13, 2012In: Public

    In 1955, a young Debutante is sole witness to murder and must enlist the help of another criminal, his niece, to help her get to safety. But the killer is on their trail and he?ll stop at nothing to silence them.

    SQM
    Added an answer on April 13, 2012 at 3:29 pm

    This is a repeat comment as I made errors in the first and couldn't find an "edit" button." "and must enlist the help of another criminal, his niece, to help her get to safety." This is awkward. Are you saying the other criminal is the debutante's niece? In which case, it would be "her" niece as debRead more

    This is a repeat comment as I made errors in the first and couldn’t find an “edit” button.”

    “and must enlist the help of another criminal, his niece, to help her get to safety.”

    This is awkward. Are you saying the other criminal is the debutante’s niece? In which case, it would be “her” niece as debutantes are female by definition. Or are you saying the other criminal AND his niece.

    People over look the fact that society view points change. Time is always an element, just as culture is. How important depends on the story. While debutantes exist today (none of the ones I know are prissy,) the word itself implies a gone by era.

    That she witnessed a crime and yet has to seek help from a criminal is ironic.

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  3. Posted: April 11, 2012In: Public

    A dedicated and passionate elementary school teacher attempts to win over his female co-worker but a sexual experience forced upon by a guy challenges everything in his life.

    SQM
    Added an answer on April 13, 2012 at 3:13 pm

    "A dedicated and passionate elementary school teacher attempts to win over his female co-worker but a sexual experience forced upon by a guy challenges everything in his life." This doesn't work for me. For one, it doesn't clearly imply on whom the sexual experience was forced upon. The teacher? orRead more

    “A dedicated and passionate elementary school teacher attempts to win over his female co-worker but a sexual experience forced upon by a guy challenges everything in his life.”

    This doesn’t work for me. For one, it doesn’t clearly imply on whom the sexual experience was forced upon. The teacher? or his female co-worker? I find it interesting that Karel assumes the experience is a gay one forced upon the male teacher, while I assumed it was a rape forced upon the co-worker. And if we’re talking about rape, while not say rape instead of “a sexual experience forced upon.” ? Obviously, this isn’t a kiddies movie so we don’t need to worry about using delicate language.

    Love forces a sensitive teacher to confront his traumatic sexual past.

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