1. Posted: July 31, 2016In:

    When an image conscious love expert falls for the wrong guy, a crass hacker geek, her page views plummet, forcing her ruthless producer to manipulate her insecurities to tear them apart. 31 Words (Revised) (RomCom)

    SSalvatore Logliner

    Thanks Richiev, The wrong guy is actually the right guy, but he is certainly not perfect, in fact he's an emotional wreck but has a good heart. Not what she thinks she wants but the guy who will make her happy. So maybe change to "falls for the 'wrong' guy. " Or maybe omit the "wrong guy" wording enRead more

    Thanks Richiev,

    The wrong guy is actually the right guy, but he is certainly not perfect, in fact he’s an emotional wreck but has a good heart. Not what she thinks she wants but the guy who will make her happy.

    So maybe change to “falls for the ‘wrong’ guy. ”

    Or maybe omit the “wrong guy” wording entirely “falls for a camera shy hacker geek”.

    S

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  2. Posted: July 31, 2016In:

    When an image conscious love expert falls for the wrong guy, a crass hacker geek, her page views plummet, forcing her ruthless producer to manipulate her insecurities to tear them apart. 31 Words (Revised) (RomCom)

    SSalvatore Logliner

    Or this? When an online rivalry between a love expert and a pro gamer sparks an unlikely romance, they must overcome a self serving producer and their own insecurities to find true love. (31 words)

    Or this?
    When an online rivalry between a love expert and a pro gamer sparks an unlikely romance, they must overcome a self serving producer and their own insecurities to find true love. (31 words)

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  3. Posted: July 24, 2016In:

    After becoming immune to their technology that predicts and alters our choices, a young woman must stop a secret society’s twisted plan for humanity’s future.

    SSalvatore Logliner

    I think it sounds sexier flipping the pronoun "their". It's a freakin' secret society! Throw that shit out front. Hooked. Also is there a better adjective for the "young" woman? A "naive" woman. An "idealistic" woman. What else is she besides young? You might get a little more oomph with a differentRead more

    I think it sounds sexier flipping the pronoun “their”. It’s a freakin’ secret society! Throw that shit out front. Hooked.

    Also is there a better adjective for the “young” woman? A “naive” woman. An “idealistic” woman. What else is she besides young? You might get a little more oomph with a different adjective.

    After becoming immune to a secret society?s ?technology that predicts and alters our choices, a young woman must stop their?twisted plan for humanity?s future.

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