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A day in the life of an industrious London school girl and her friends as her crime boss father faces conflict.
Hi Will Arthur, I’ll give this a go. INTENTION: ? OBSTACLE: ? Now I’m going to use what you’ve given me to try to come up with a logline with a stronger intention and obstacle… First attempt: When she discovers a photo of her crime boss stepfather murdering someone, a school girl and friends must geRead more
Hi Will Arthur,
I’ll give this a go.
INTENTION: ?
OBSTACLE: ?
Now I’m going to use what you’ve given me to try to come up with a logline with a stronger intention and obstacle…
First attempt:
When she discovers a photo of her crime boss stepfather murdering someone,
a school girl and friends must get the photo to police, before a hitman catches up.
– I think “a day in the life” is hopefully suggested here.
– Intention: must get photo police. (perhaps too easy.)
– Obstacle: a hitman.
How about one when the crime boss father is a good guy.
Second attempt:
When her crime boss father is framed for a murder he didn’t commit,
his school girl daughter goes on the run with evidence to clear his name, and must get to a trusted source before a hitman catches up.
– I kinda figured perhaps getting to a police station would be too easy. Perhaps the cops are corrupt? Perhaps she needs to get to a trusted FBI man or something? Certainly – the obstacle needs to be formidable.
– Again, hopefully “a day in the life” is suggested here.
– We probably don’t need “industrious”. “London” is optional.
Okay. Good luck!
See lessAfter being sexually abused by his older sister as a child, a man struggles to cope with the abuse by getting addicted to alcohol.
Hi IvyEight6, I’ll give this a go… After being sexually abused his older sister as a child, a man struggles to cope with the abuse by getting addicted to alcohol. INTENTION: must get clean? OBSTACLE: debilitating alcohol addiction. his demons. STAKES: lose his family. When his family threaten to leaRead more
Hi IvyEight6,
I’ll give this a go…
After being sexually abused his older sister as a child, a man struggles to cope with the abuse by getting addicted to alcohol.
INTENTION: must get clean?
OBSTACLE: debilitating alcohol addiction. his demons.
STAKES: lose his family.
When his family threaten to leave him, a struggling alcoholic must confront the root of his addiction – the sexual abuse he endured as a child.
– This is fine but feels like it needs a good strong hook to separate it from dozens of stories like it. You could add the word “incestuous” before sexual abuse?
When his family threaten to leave him, a struggling alcoholic must confront the root of his addiction – the incestuous sexual abuse he endured as a child.
Good luck!
See lessWhen a magical spirit reveals the world’s destructive fate, an introverted high school girl must flee her privileged upbringing and journey through an impoverished land to find a saviour, which she later learns is actually herself, and confront the powerful government of the city before the world collapses beneath her feet.
Hi Stardustfortheearthlings, There is a lot of fat here - especially for a logline. Let’s get it down to its very essence. INTENTION: must flee her privileged upbringing and journey through an impoverished land to find a saviour. OBSTACLE: powerful government of the city. Attempt 1: When a magical sRead more
Hi Stardustfortheearthlings,
There is a lot of fat here – especially for a logline. Let’s get it down to its very essence.
INTENTION: must flee her privileged upbringing and journey through an impoverished land to find a saviour.
OBSTACLE: powerful government of the city.
Attempt 1:
When a magical spirit tells her the world will soon end,
a teen must journey through a dangerous land to find a prophesied saviour, whilst a powerful government stands in her way.
– I’m not sure about “powerful government” as an obstacle.
– I got rid of “introverted high school girl”. We don’t need that much ornamental for a logline. Keep it simple.
– “, which she later learns is actually herself” – not for logline. Sounds like a plot twist for the script.
Attempt 2:
When a magical spirit tells her mankind will soon end, a teen must journey through a forbidden land to find a prophesied saviour – someone who may or may not exist.
– My attempt at a twist/hook for the logline. To risk everything/your life/to get so far – and for someone who may or may not exist.
– I’ve currently been reading WRITER’S JOURNEY by Vogler. The fact that the elixer/the prize is this knowledge that she is the hero is a very good plot twist. It’s a good arc for the character. It’s a good direction for the story to go. But not good for the logline. (It’s giving away the punchline.)
Regardless – it’s a cool idea. Reminds me of Studio Ghibli material.
Good luck!
See less