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A smart young property developer locates the perfect large country house, but it is haunted. Knowing the ghost must go before the family arrive, a 250 year old murder has to be resolved.
Hi JoeCrieda, INTENTION: a 250 year old murder has to be resolved. OBSTACLE: ghost must go before family arrives. Attempt 1: When he finds out the large country house he’s selling is haunted, a property developer must resolve a murder that occurred hundreds of years ago, before the family arrives. -Read more
Hi JoeCrieda,
INTENTION: a 250 year old murder has to be resolved.
OBSTACLE: ghost must go before family arrives.
Attempt 1:
When he finds out the large country house he’s selling is haunted, a property developer must resolve a murder that occurred hundreds of years ago, before the family arrives. – That’s roughly the essence of it.
Notes:
– There’s not much on the line. I mean – he could walk away from this. Why does he have to sell it?
Attempt 2:
When he learns the house he will sell for a huge payday is haunted, a struggling property developer must resolve the ghost’s murder in order to make her leave, before the family arrives.
Notes:
– Okay. The intention is a bit more clear here.
– I added “struggling” so we know he definitely needs this payday.
– It’s a bit vague from my logline whether he teams up with the ghost or they have some kind of agreement. (I’m only guessing you might be going the STIR OF ECHOES route. Good movie btw.)
Last attempt:
When he learns the house he will sell for a huge payday is haunted, a struggling property developer must resolve the ghost’s murder in order for her to leave, (but… )
– I got rid of the “before the family arrives”. That’s gotta be innate.
– I’m thinking it needs a twist there but I don’t know what.
– “but soon finds out, only he can see her”.
– “only to fall for her”.
– “only to find out, the murderer might be his client”. * perhaps this one?
When he learns the house he will sell for a huge payday is haunted, a struggling property developer must resolve the ghost’s murder in order to get her to leave, only to find out – the murderer might be his client.
Hope this gets the ball rolling!
Good luck.
See lessAfter cyborgs invade their planet, a cyborg hunter and his crew must stop them from destroying the human race.
Hi IvyEight6, INTENTION: must stop from destroying the human race. OBSTACLE: cyborgs invade their planet. Attempt 1: When his planet is invaded by cyborgs, a cyborg hunter and a ragtag group of survivors must stop them from completely eliminating the human race. Notes: - Admittedly, your first logliRead more
Hi IvyEight6,
INTENTION: must stop from destroying the human race.
OBSTACLE: cyborgs invade their planet.
Attempt 1:
When his planet is invaded by cyborgs, a cyborg hunter and a ragtag group of survivors must stop them from completely eliminating the human race.
Notes:
– Admittedly, your first logline is fine but I’ve just pushed down on some things.
– I made it “a ragtag group of survivors” to make it less easy. Give it more conflict. “A cyborg hunter and his crew” suggests they’re probably gonna win.
Attempt 2:
After the planet is invaded by killer cyborgs, a cyborg hunter and a ragtag group of survivors must stop them from killing the last woman on Earth.
– I’m just playing with the idea here and giving them something more to prevent than “destroying the human race”. That’s quite a general thing. (It’s good but general.) If it’s the last woman on Earth – they really, really do have to kill these things to save civilisation and repopulate the human race.
– Interestingly, you could switch it.
Attempt 3:
After the planet is invaded by killer cyborgs, a female cyborg hunter and her ragtag crew of female survivors must stop them from killing the last man on Earth.
– Normally I wouldn’t add “killer” to cyborgs but I figured we should know straight away they’re not just invading – they are eliminating, killing, etc.
– Regardless – cool idea.
Good luck!
See lessWhen a dead beat accidentally gets injected with an experimental brain implant giving him the ability to learn anything instantly, he must use his new abilities to take down the nefarious group who’ll stop at nothing to get the implant back
Hi Knightrider1984, I’ll give this a go… INTENTION: he must use his new abilities to take down the nefarious group who’ll stop at nothing to get the implant back. OBSTACLE: the nefarious group who’ll stop at nothing to get the implant back. Attempt 1: When he accidentally gets injected with an experRead more
Hi Knightrider1984,
I’ll give this a go…
INTENTION: he must use his new abilities to take down the nefarious group who’ll stop at nothing to get the implant back.
OBSTACLE: the nefarious group who’ll stop at nothing to get the implant back.
Attempt 1:
When he accidentally gets injected with an experimental brain implant that gives him the ability to learn anything instantly, a man must use his new abilities to stop a nefarious group who’ll stop at nothing to get the implant back.
– I got rid of deadbeat. He can be a deadbeat in the script but I’m not sure about in the logline. (When I think deadbeat I immediately think of a character who I wouldn’t really care to see onscreen.)
– The inciting incident is very, very long. We need to get to the protagonist quicker than that.
Attempt 2:
After an experimental procedure to save his life, a man wakes up with the newfound ability to learn anything quickly, and then must stop the same organisation who want it back from him – dead or alive.
– I made the “procedure” a bit more life and death.
– The “dead or alive” – I imagine there’s a better way to word it but that should definitely be in there somehow. Keeps the stakes high.
– I got rid of “nefarious”. They’re clearly nefarious if they want it back from him “dead or alive”.
Good luck with this!
See less