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In a bid to keep his job, a commitment-phobic womanizer seduces his boss’s wholesome daughter, but when she genuinely falls for him, he must continue the charade.
Hi guys. My apologies for a late response. Still getting use to the new format. I agree with both points. The concept is still quite thin. Very sitcomy. (Think that's a word.)
Hi guys. My apologies for a late response. Still getting use to the new format.
I agree with both points.
The concept is still quite thin. Very sitcomy. (Think that’s a word.)
See lessA cynical sellsword joins forces with a mysterious traveler to conceal a wish-granting treasure when he learns that the King who hired him to find it will use it to become an all-powerful tyrant.
Hi Libari, I have to admit there's a lot to digest there at first read. Lets have a look... INTENTION - conceal a wish-granting treasure. OBSTACLE - the King who hired him to find it will use it to become an all-powerful tyrant. A sellsword sets out to destroy a wish-granting treasure when he findsRead more
Hi Libari,
I have to admit there’s a lot to digest there at first read.
Lets have a look…
INTENTION – conceal a wish-granting treasure.
OBSTACLE – the King who hired him to find it will use it to become an all-powerful tyrant.
A sellsword sets out to destroy a wish-granting treasure when he finds out his land’s king will use it to become an all-powerful tryant.
– “conceal” felt soft to me. Less of a challenge. Treasure sounds dangerous and “ring-like” if he sets out to destroy it.
– wasn’t sure how necessary “mysterious traveler” is to the logline.
– for less words I got rid of “cynical” as well – though it does suggest the character’s potential arc. Keep it for now I imagine.
Anyways – good luck with this!
See lessA lonely and conflicted gay teenager learns to accept himself and take pride in who he is with the help of an unlikely friend who introduces him to the world of boxing
Hi Rowe, from the logline I couldn't quite get the Intention and Obstacle. Let's see.. "to accept himself and take pride in who he is" is more a subjective need than a goal. I've been told while there's no hard-fast rule for using a subjective need as a goal. You know like "to win the love of" or "tRead more
Hi Rowe, from the logline I couldn’t quite get the Intention and Obstacle. Let’s see..
“to accept himself and take pride in who he is” is more a subjective need than a goal. I’ve been told while there’s no hard-fast rule for using a subjective need as a goal. You know like “to win the love of” or “to win back his family” that kinda thing. It’s best to go in with a clear, action, specific, external action goal – in this case “to win the tournament”, “to get money from tournament”.
As DPG once told me, one can use a subjective need for the intention if the hook is strong enough. Like “Groundhog Day” or “Harold and Maude”. Strong hooks for very subjective goals.
As for obstacles – I mean, a ton of them I’m sure. However – we need a stronger and a lot more specific one. I’ll just throw some ideas out there to help get the ball rolling.
Anyways…
INTENTION: to win the tournament? (subjective need could be to win over homophobic father?)
OBSTACLE: homophobic high school bully? (plenty of conflict if he’s fighting someone he loves or was a lover of some kind.) homophobic former best friend?
A gay teenager sets out to win a boxing tournament against his high school bully?
A gay teenager sets out to win a boxing tournament against his closeted former lover (plenty of conflict here.)
Again – these are just ideas I’m throwing out there.
I wasn’t sure how necessary “unlikely friend who introduces him to world of boxing was” to the logline. I suppose it’s an interesting inciting incident. We’d have to be more specific with this “unlikely friend”. I mean plenty of conflict with a homophobic next door neighbour. Something like that? Perhaps his “unlikely friend” is an openly gay queen and former boxing champ (very Oscar baity role ha.). Someone who helps him come to terms with his sexuality and lifestyle and direction in life. I keep thinking a gay Mr Miyagi who helps the protagonist to come to terms with who he wants to be in life. Interesting.
Not sure about “lonely” and “conflicted” as well. For the logline anyways. Keep them for now.
Anyways – it’ll be interesting to see how this develops. Very interesting concept. (The image in my head is of Brokeback Mountain meets The Karate Kid. Which is certainly a new twist on an old idea.)
Good luck with this!
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