1. Posted: March 12, 2020In:

    RHSC (red-headed step child)

    Best Answer
    thedarkhorse Samurai

    Hi Dusty, I gave this a go and added some stuff. (My interpretation from reading the original logline.) After they accidentally kill a neighbour in a fatal car crash, a newlywed couple fight to stay alive, as the man's creepy kids begin a campaign of revenge. I made the fatal accident more specific.Read more

    Hi Dusty,

    I gave this a go and added some stuff. (My interpretation from reading the original logline.)

    After they accidentally kill a neighbour in a fatal car crash, a newlywed couple fight to stay alive, as the man’s creepy kids begin a campaign of revenge.

    I made the fatal accident more specific.

    Most newlyweds are young – so I’m hoping the reader will fill that in.

    Admittedly, my logline reminds me of https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1020530/

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  2. Posted: February 25, 2020In:

    When dark and disturbing children’s drawings come alive. Its creator, a little girl distressed and insecure, must face and erase these drawings from her life before they control her forever.

    Best Answer
    thedarkhorse Samurai

    Hi alejob. I thought I'd give this a go. I'm not sure about the ellipses. (Probably breaks some logline rule or something.) When her drawings come alive, a little girl discovers she has no control over them, and must erase them before they become increasingly darker, more disturbing... and powerful.Read more

    Hi alejob.

    I thought I’d give this a go. I’m not sure about the ellipses. (Probably breaks some logline rule or something.)

    When her drawings come alive, a little girl discovers she has no control over them, and must erase them before they become increasingly darker, more disturbing… and powerful.

    Hopefully reader fills in they were dark/disturbing to begin with.

    “Powerful” suggests the best is yet to come.

     

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  3. Posted: March 13, 2020In:

    In a future where the wealthy live above the smog in floating cities, a group of scavengers ? led by a buoyant teen ? make the seemingly impossible ascent from the barren earth below in search of essential supplies for their people.

    thedarkhorse Samurai

    Hi AHarper, I did this very quickly with what you gave us with the original logline... In a post-apocalyptic future where the poor live underground, a teen sets off on a perilous journey to the affluent city above, in search of life-saving supplies. INTENTION: to get life-saving supplies. (figured mRead more

    Hi AHarper,

    I did this very quickly with what you gave us with the original logline…

    In a post-apocalyptic future where the poor live underground, a teen sets off on a perilous journey to the affluent city above, in search of life-saving supplies.

    INTENTION: to get life-saving supplies. (figured might as well make it more intense.)

    OBSTACLE: perilous journey/everything on that journey.

    I’d probably push in on the obstacle. How can we make this worse for him? How can we make it harder?

    I’d probably put more in like the teen’s wounded/dying father needs the supplies (this way it’s more primal) but it’s quite a lot to digest already.

    Good luck with your writing!

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