1. Posted: August 28, 2020In:

    When his dad threatens to cut him off financially, a bad boy rich kid must graduate his senior year at a strict prep school, only to fall for the principal’s daughter.

    thedarkhorse Samurai

    Perhaps the problem is the leading line “When his dad threatens to cut him off financially, a bad boy rich kid” - he comes across as too much of an ass. I dunno. Regardless it is still the I.I.

    Perhaps the problem is the leading line “When his dad threatens to cut him off financially, a bad boy rich kid” – he comes across as too much of an ass. I dunno. Regardless it is still the I.I.

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  2. Posted: August 28, 2020In:

    When his dad threatens to cut him off financially, a bad boy rich kid must graduate his senior year at a strict prep school, only to fall for the principal’s daughter.

    thedarkhorse Samurai

    I appreciate your solution but I think yours is too much of a different story. Remember - he’s a preppy. He’s one of them but not. He’s the rebel surrounded by workaholic robots (some of which are incredibly hard working/doing what they can to get ahead/perhaps from a poor family.) I want this guy tRead more

    I appreciate your solution but I think yours is too much of a different story.

    Remember – he’s a preppy. He’s one of them but not. He’s the rebel surrounded by workaholic robots (some of which are incredibly hard working/doing what they can to get ahead/perhaps from a poor family.)

    I want this guy to be a rich carefree brat who is literally beaten down by everything this school throws at him. Remember his super objective: he must graduate/he can’t get expelled (again).

    He’s facing off against bullies who don’t like him, teachers who judge him without knowing him, he’s trying to fit in, etc. All familiar yet universal. (I know not it’s thrilling – but I want to go for familiar/universal here. Not slice of life but close.)

    Anyways – in striving to fulfil his super objective. He learns to work hard – there’s no buying his way in or surfing through life anymore. The geeks he comes across learn to have (a bit) more fun. Kind of a Randall McMurphy. (Don’t take that literally.)

    That’s why I want the father to actually cut him off at the ordeal (I use Vogler. He’s malleable.). However – it has nothing to do with him. A romantic rival provokes him into a fight – which is his strike 3. He and his geek friend are expelled. He later visits principals house to beg for geek friend to not get expelled – taking on full responsibility and showing he’s changed into someone who actually does care for others. Principal let’s them both in on the condition – they finish what they started (which includes a boat race the school hasn’t won in years and that dad/older brother broke the record with.) winning that would be a personal victory. (I know – no real stakes here but I’m hoping we’ll be rooting for him to prove he’s more than “the embarrassment of the family”.) I also feel he’s doing it to make principal/shape shifter/father figure proud.

    Anyways – I feel the problem you’re suggesting is more stakes? Or at least that’s what I’m thinking. That action goal is clear and strong.

    We’ll see.

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  3. Posted: August 28, 2020In:

    When his dad threatens to cut him off financially, a bad boy rich kid must graduate his senior year at a strict prep school, only to fall for the principal’s daughter.

    thedarkhorse Samurai

    I really don’t understand your viewpoint. This guy isn’t Bill Gates or Zuckerberg. He just comes across someone (the least likely person) who helps him turn his life around, who believes in him at the lowest, lowest moment. And I’m only too happy to admit I need mentors/teachers ha. That I’ll alwaysRead more

    I really don’t understand your viewpoint.

    This guy isn’t Bill Gates or Zuckerberg.

    He just comes across someone (the least likely person) who helps him turn his life around, who believes in him at the lowest, lowest moment.

    And I’m only too happy to admit I need mentors/teachers ha. That I’ll always be a student. Some of us aren’t Bill Gates ha.

    Perhaps characters arc – is about learning to accept help. We’ll see. I don’t want to shoe horn anything or be too calculating. But I do want to see if it resonates with others, if there’s problems to fix…

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