1. Posted: May 7, 2019In:

    Series logline:?During the Great Die-Up of 1886, a frontiersman with a dark, shameful past must protect the family he?s taking refuge with from his old Civil War captain, now a deranged U.S. Marshal, who along with his posse is under orders from an unscrupulous company to take their land.

    thedarkhorse Samurai

    Yeah - I agree with it being too long and a mouthful. Deranged - well I was gonna psychopathic. I considered power-tripping. He?s my Daniel Plainview meets Travis Bickle. He?s a ticking time bomb.? Hmm - yeah I see what you?re saying.? Chopped down version: During the Great Die-Up of 1886, a frontieRead more

    Yeah – I agree with it being too long and a mouthful.

    Deranged – well I was gonna psychopathic. I considered power-tripping. He?s my Daniel Plainview meets Travis Bickle. He?s a ticking time bomb.?

    Hmm – yeah I see what you?re saying.?

    Chopped down version: During the Great Die-Up of 1886, a frontiersman must protect the family he?s taking refuge with from an unscrupulous company that wants their land.

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  2. Posted: May 7, 2019In:

    Series logline: A rich, successful plastic surgeon and reformed sex addict, suffering intimacy problems with a woman who offers him stability, returns to his former psychiatrist, a manipulative woman for whom he might still be madly in love with.

    thedarkhorse Samurai

    Yeah I agree with the word count. Admittedly I can't help but wonder if my very first version was the best. Original: (the first one I posted here) Logline: A rich, successful doctor with a debilitating sex addiction becomes entangled in kinky and increasingly dangerous power games with his sexy psyRead more

    Yeah I agree with the word count. Admittedly I can’t help but wonder if my very first version was the best.

    Original: (the first one I posted here)

    Logline: A rich, successful doctor with a debilitating sex addiction becomes entangled in kinky and increasingly dangerous power games with his sexy psychiatrist.

     

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  3. Posted: May 7, 2019In:

    Series logline: A rich, successful plastic surgeon and reformed sex addict, suffering intimacy problems with a woman who offers him stability, returns to his former psychiatrist, a manipulative woman for whom he might still be madly in love with.

    thedarkhorse Samurai

    Hey everyone. Thanks for the feedback. Inciting incident? Unable to be intimate with woman who offers stability. His goal? Mental health. Why go back to her?? She came very close to fixing her him previously. What they have together is unique as well as volatile. Lastly, we could go the Freud routeRead more

    Hey everyone. Thanks for the feedback.

    Inciting incident?

    Unable to be intimate with woman who offers stability.

    His goal?

    Mental health.

    Why go back to her??

    She came very close to fixing her him previously. What they have together is unique as well as volatile. Lastly, we could go the Freud route – ?there are no accidents?. It?s a line I use several times in the script to show that we subconsciously do things for a reason.?(However – there’s absolutely no way I could get that across in this logline ha).

    I think he has more to lose as a?rich successful plastic surgeon – if people found out the sordid things he got up to in a previous life, etc. He could lose his reputation/practice/friends/family.

    Ha yeah I considered it a strange hybrid of ?Nip/Tuck? and ?Frasier? – one of the themes explored being the minds power over the body and the body over the mind. A subplot has the main character pull a Pygmalion/Vertigo with the good girl love interest – he starts moulding and shaping her into his idea of a perfect woman.?

    It?s set in LA because LA is a sun-kissed fantasyland. The main character (who is a shallow, superficial type) is striving to be emotionally authentic. He wants a real life. Real love. Real relationships. In the pilot, he wants to quit this pathetic sordid sex life (which he considers a fantasy).

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