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When lonely long-haul truck driver D Forde falls in love online with a city writer and single mother, he must cross more than the Nullarbor to overcome his fear of abandonment and win her heart.
dpg: Like you're idea. Cross the nullabor... get the girl. But what if... You've got 150km to cross, and an hour an a half to do it. Else you lose the girl for good. GO! GO! GO! It worked for the Blues Brothers :)
dpg: Like you’re idea. Cross the nullabor… get the girl.
See lessBut what if… You’ve got 150km to cross, and an hour an a half to do it. Else you lose the girl for good. GO! GO! GO!
It worked for the Blues Brothers 🙂
When lonely long-haul truck driver D Forde falls in love online with a city writer and single mother, he must cross more than the Nullarbor to overcome his fear of abandonment and win her heart.
Watch the gimmicks a little. "When a long-distance truck driver falls for a city-dwelling single mum, he must cross the nullabor and (overcome his own fatal flaw) to win her heart (or else... something urgent)" Suggest focussing on the flaw(s) of the main character. Something more than "introversionRead more
Watch the gimmicks a little.
“When a long-distance truck driver falls for a city-dwelling single mum, he must cross the nullabor and (overcome his own fatal flaw) to win her heart (or else… something urgent)”
Suggest focussing on the flaw(s) of the main character. Something more than “introversion”.
Again, I’m guessing it’s in your script/story. Make it come out in the logline. Remember, there are no spoilers here. Get ’em HOOKED.
Up the contrast a little between the characters if you can.
A “country-music-banjo-playing beef eating” truck driver vs a “part-time nightclub DJ, paralegal city-dwelling vegan hipster single mum”. (Again, bad example, but am sure it’s in your script, transfer it to the logline).
Also, I think you need to find some sort of “urgency” on the story. Remember, a film is ~110 minutes. The story your logline suggests this plays out over 6-8 weeks, or more.
What if… there were urgency. Say these two people had been chatting online for a couple of months. He’s thinking of asking her to be his girlfriend. She’s not sure. She’s accepted an invite to a wedding (with some lecherous creep who’s totally not right for her).
The wedding starts in 109 minutes.
The truckie is 160km out of town.
He floors it.
…. HIS TRUCK BREAKS DOWN.
Drama, urgency, and still all the elements of your story.
Anyway, that’s just one (very bad) example. My point is, urgency. A ticking clock. Remember, it’s a screenplay, not a novel. You’ve answered “WHY”, but answer “Why.. NOW”
(Disagree with the others. Love “Nullabor”. It’s more specific than outback. If she lived in Adelaide and he drove a truck back and forth from Perth, the story makes sense. Any Aussie would know “Nullabor”. Unless you’re specifically pitching to a US market, I wouldn’t change it to “outback”)
See lessAn extroverted overweight attorney-turned-actress falls in love with an introverted younger personal trainer and embarks on a life-changing romance. Even though they both know from the beginning that they want different things in life and their time together is limited, they risk their hearts to learn from each other until it is time to say goodbye.
Richie: Sure, it's a "slice of life", but there's TRUE tension and conflict here. It's a struggle as large as any life-or-death decision. To stay on a "steady, secure, known" path, or to risk it all on a roll of a dice, into the unknown. The red pill, or the blue pill. Mr. Right vs. Mr. Right-Now. ARead more
Richie: Sure, it’s a “slice of life”, but there’s TRUE tension and conflict here.
It’s a struggle as large as any life-or-death decision.
To stay on a “steady, secure, known” path, or to risk it all on a roll of a dice, into the unknown.
The red pill, or the blue pill.
Mr. Right vs. Mr. Right-Now.
And if the main female character is of the right age, there’s the tick-tick-tick biological clock.
Sure, it’s not Arnold Schwarzenegger screaming “GET TO ZAH CHOPPER!!!!!!!!”, but there is DRAMA, and CONFLICT (inner and outer) and DRAMA, and TENSION and DILEMMA in this story.
In fact, it’s STRONGER. I can only *imagine* a predator chasing me. I *know* what it is to have to decide whether to stick with a “stable but secure” or “maybe it’s not working out” relationship.
eshaules: Go in deep. Visit the dark places. The places that give you a knot in your stomach. The places that make you sick even to think about.
That’s what people will pay good money to see.
Sophies Choice.
See lessSophie doesn’t pick a card.
Sophie chooses to pull her liver our through her chest, or pull a kidney out through her chest.
And the whole time the audience watches, in horror, through their fingers.
And talk about it for DECADES afterwards.