I don?t think we need to know that the cop witnessed the ritual as a child?

— I disagree as this explains why it is the once skeptical occult historian NEEDS the former kung fu master cop.–

I disagree — we just need know he has the answer to the problem, we don’t need to know how or why he has the answer… It just ends up being added baggage to sort through, and there’s enough already.

Even though — yes — my take is on the dry side, the attempt was made as an example for clarity’s sake…

I guess the main reason I’m confused is becasue of her goal “to cleanse her dead son’s soul” — I did not realise this is a rewrite of another logline (to do with exorcism), and without knowing the details of the other logline I have no idea what cleansing a dead soul actually means… I thought common practice was to rewrite loglines in their original thread so the progress can be tracked by posters…

“At its most simplistic, the logline is ? To solve this problem, this person needs another person to provide the solution.”

I agree — but again, I don’t have a handle on ‘cleaning a dead soul’… “to save her dead son’s soul”?? And FORCING the cop to perform the ritual…? What about “must convince” or “must coerce”?

What was the original logline?

Intriguing ? but a bit confusing. There?s a bit too much going on, and it?s hard to follow. i.e. ?once-skeptical occult historian?? ? what?s the point of her being ?once skeptical?? why not just skeptical? I guess it?s confusing because as she?s now an apparent expert in the occult surely she would no longer be that skeptical of such things..?

And what exactly is meant by ??cleanse her dead son?s soul???

I don?t think we need to know that the cop witnessed the ritual as a child (this is quite confusing, as ?he? could be construed to mean the protagonist?s dead son?)

And is it important that we must know that the legendary kung-fu master is a cop? As in, what relevance does that have to the story (I guess I could ask the same question as to what relevance a kung-fu master has to solving her problem..)?

Below is just my take ? good luck ? definitely interesting?

When a History professor is visited by the ghost of her dead son trapped in purgatory, she must track down a legendary kung-fu master who knows a ritual that can free the dead.?

Even if you are shooting for a bit of a farce in terms of plot/ character etc, I think the logline needs to be simplified and made clearer.

Best of luck.