… and lastly — maybe a good question to ask before penning further edits: What is the hero’s main action throughout the film? ATM I get that he is hunted by a time and reality manipulating killer… in a bar — but what does that equate to in an action? Is he hiding? For me this is where I get confused. I think that if you focus on his main action, your logline/ story would become a lot clearer.

I get you don’t really appreciate my feedback — I’m sorry if it comes across as too harsh, or not note worthy — but I’m sincerely only wishing to help, by being as honest with folks here as I can. It’s what I expect whenever I get the gonads to post a logline here. You obviously have high standards when it comes to originality — which is awesome… I think that good be balanced with some stronger structure/ clarity. I only provide feedback when I am grabbed by a concept, even if I don’t have a good handle on a story.

I read the entire thread before posting. Why did I bother?… Great question. For some reason I thought you might be open to critical feedback on your logline… I guess I never learn 😉

Something odd is going on here though, as I read a completely different reply from you earlier. Where’s it gone? It was very entertaining… great use of quotes… something about me with a shotgun, and my comment not being worthy of note..? You can take or leave my comments here, that’s all good… The beauty of an open forum such as this.

for what it’s worth (obviously not much though 😉 ) I do find your concept intriguing — — The setting and set-up particularly — it’s just that regardless of any of the iterations you have done through this thread I can’t get a handle on the story, I’m struggling to get a handle on what exactly happens, and like dpg said very early on (to which you agreed) — what you describe in the earlier edits of the logline is the set-up… there is too much focus on why the bounty hunter is there in the first place, when that really doesn’t seem to have much to do with the main problem he faces throughout the course of the movie. The latter variations are too vague, and I can’t care enough about the stakes character because he doesn’t seem to have any personal connection to the bounty hunter… he’s simply a random “innocent” (oops — I used quotes again 🙁 )

I would be interested in seeing this when completed, just to see what “manipulates time and reality” actually looks like.

Best of luck with it.