Hi Louise,

There are things I like in this logline ? but some things that I feel fall a bit flat. For me, the most enticing element is of a truckdriver wanting someone to share his life with (not that there aren?t thousands of married/ partnered truck drivers out there?)? I find it hard to imagine that someone would CHOOSE to be a truck driver if they didn?t like being alone. This then lends itself to the city writer perhaps being the one that tries to win his heart? ? what if HE has never really had a relationship, and SHE is the one who is ?many times jilted? ? It could then pan out that they both have something to TEACH each other, he teaches her self-worth/ self reliance, she teaches him how to trust others? of course, your story, and I don?t mean to mess with it ? just some food for thought.

The other issue is ? as dpg coined ? the ?meet-cute?: imo, difficult to pull-off successfully if that occurs online. Why not make it that they meet on the road ? like what-if, just as an example, she has a regular commute between Melbourne and Sydney, and maybe she misses a flight or what-have-you, and hitches a ride with him?something that could turn into a regular affair?

Anyways ? below is just my angle ? it?s missing a ?but??, and probably a few other things ? but hope any of this helps? and best of luck.

?A serial divorcee journalist discovers real love in an unexpected place when she hitches a ride with a contentedly insular truck driver between her regular interstate commute between Melbourne and Sydney?

Hi NatureBucket,

Personally I find more scope to this if the psychiatrist is the protag — it lends itself to a more compelling ride if we are forced to question whether or not this guy is telling the truth or not… we’d get that from the psychiatrist’s POV — just imo…

Also, the purpose of a logline should be to describe, as succinctly as possible, the main ACTION of the film… as dpg mentioned, what you need to focus on is what your protag actually does as a result of a decision –this prompts action, which is what readers want to see in a logline, and what paying audiences want to see in a cinema.

I can’t see any real stakes here atm either, as, if the Dr has no pre-existing belief in extraterrestrials, or any valid proof from the patient (or any emotional influence, like the ‘L’ word…) then I can’t really see a dilemma — She’s ‘rigid and rational’, and would simply be doing her job (duty) by committing him. If any of these elements existed in the logline (i.e. she begins to investigate his claims of the abduction and comes across some clues that convince her he may well be telling the truth/ she falls in love with him/ has witnessed some kind of unexplained alien type sighting in her own past etc etc etc…) then I think the logine/ story would have potential.

My examples below are probably not what you have in mind story-wise, but just to show a potential couple of angles etc…

‘After falling for her seemingly delusional patient, an ?ber rational psychiatrist helps to break him out of a high security hospital in order to rendezvous with aliens that he claims had previously abducted him.’

or

(obviously a tad long…) ‘After discovering her violent patient is telling the truth about his family being abducted by aliens, a highly strung psychiatrist breaks him out of a high security hospital in order to rendezvous with the aliens before he is committed for life.’

Anyway — best of luck — does have potential and has hints of Terminator 2/ Close Encounters/ and even Bram Stokers Dracula (well — the stuff that deals with the mental patient etc…;))