1. Posted: April 10, 2012In:

    A group of strangers volunteering for a program where they have their skin color removed discover that beauty truly comes from within.

    woobot

    I think this could work as a two header - maybe two participants have their skin swapped? And yes, like Claire above mentioned, the theme and genre needs to be crystal. Keep working on it because the idea is there.

    I think this could work as a two header – maybe two participants have their skin swapped?
    And yes, like Claire above mentioned, the theme and genre needs to be crystal.
    Keep working on it because the idea is there.

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  2. Posted: January 11, 2013In:

    An unassuming immigrant unleashes his secret oriental power on the criminal cartel intent on corrupting his family.

    woobot

    Thanks Richiev .I agree it needs a little more. How about this: An unassuming immigrant unleashes his secret oriental power on the criminal cartel intent on luring his teenage children into their cabal of drugs, extortion and prostitution. Or, with a little but more info infused: When a dangerous caRead more

    Thanks Richiev .I agree it needs a little more.

    How about this:

    An unassuming immigrant unleashes his secret oriental power on the criminal cartel intent on luring his teenage children into their cabal of drugs, extortion and prostitution.

    Or, with a little but more info infused:

    When a dangerous cartel lure an immigrant’s son and daughter into their underworld of drugs and prostitution, Tiny turns his back on the pledge made to his dead wife and unleashes his ancient oriental power.

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  3. Posted: January 11, 2013

    A high school freshman under the pressure of taking his father's place as pastor tries to turn his badly influenced school around. Challenged by a misunderstood gang member he strives to show him the importance of giving the lord a chance.

    woobot

    This feels a little underdeveloped and wordy as it stands, however the essence is in there. I think you could remove the 'pressure from dad' part as that sounds secondary to the A-Story. I would concentrate on the central characters - the freshman preacher vs. the gang member - and inject the main oRead more

    This feels a little underdeveloped and wordy as it stands, however the essence is in there.
    I think you could remove the ‘pressure from dad’ part as that sounds secondary to the A-Story.
    I would concentrate on the central characters – the freshman preacher vs. the gang member – and inject the main obstacle he faces in achieving his goal.

    If this is faith based maybe you could allude to the freshman’s faith being tested in some way? What’s the obstacle standing in the hero’s way? If it’s the ‘influences present at the school’ I think it would pay to make that clearer.

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