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When a bullied classmate turns up drowned, meek hall monitor must team up with their high school tormentor in order to catch the culprit.
Why must the students find a culprit? There is no indication a crime was committed or that the police can't handle the job. And how does being a "hall monitor"play into the story? Did the death occur on her watch? Was she watching the hall in front of the school pool? Finally, if it was a crime, wouRead more
Why must the students find a culprit? There is no indication a crime was committed or that the police can’t handle the job. And how does being a “hall monitor”play into the story? Did the death occur on her watch? Was she watching the hall in front of the school pool? Finally, if it was a crime, wouldn’t the tormentor be the prime suspect?
Possible ways out are:? 1) tell us that the police suspect the bully and he (or she) must prove her innocence, or 2) the police rule the death a suicide and the students want to prove it was murder, or 3) the police suspect the hall monitor who claimed the bullied student went alone to the pool when she was murdered.
See lessWhen an exiled gangster turned priest discovers that his mother is dying, he must make peace with his ex partner in crime in order to return home.
Good logline that could be improved if you tell us what stands between the two men. E.g. When an exiled gangster turned priest discovers his mother is dying, he must make peace with the ex-partner he betrayed to the police before he can return home.
Good logline that could be improved if you tell us what stands between the two men.
E.g.
When an exiled gangster turned priest discovers his mother is dying, he must make peace with the ex-partner he betrayed to the police before he can return home.
See lessWhen a prospective client invites himself to the first summer party at the law firm executive?s house, the executive must make sure the client is satisfied so he is won over while also dealing with new crises that arise in his home life.
It is a bit long. You can tighten it up by being more concrete on the goal and obstacles. (A collision between family and professional life always occurs at company parties, so this bit does not add much to the logline.)Don't know if this fits your story, but something like this might:An executive hRead more
It is a bit long. You can tighten it up by being more concrete on the goal and obstacles. (A collision between family and professional life always occurs at company parties, so this bit does not add much to the logline.)
Don’t know if this fits your story, but something like this might:
An executive hoping for a promotion organizes a company party, but when an eccentric client shows up, [something happens] and the executive must [do something] to save the party and his career.
See less