When his wife leaves him and his world falls apart, a depressed control-freak attempts to tie up all the loose ends in his life and with those he cares about as he plans his own suicide

Frankly, I have mixed and messy emotions about the premise.? (I've worked on a suicide hotline.)

That said,? more power to you if you can play it for laughs.? However, I think a reader needs a clear signal that it's a dark comedy.?? I suggest "his world falls apart" needs to be fleshed out a bit.? Maybe something like:? "When a control freak loses his wife, job, and home and his pet potbelly pig in one week, he..."

Or maybe he loses everything but his pet potbelly pig (that could have been the coup de gras wedge issue between him and his ex) and his objective goal is to find a good for the pet it before he commits suicide.? (And, of course, nobody want the pet.)

Whatever. Good luck.

Frankly, I have mixed and messy emotions about the premise.? (I've worked on a suicide hotline.)

That said,? more power to you if you can play it for laughs.? However, I think a reader needs a clear signal that it's a dark comedy.?? I suggest "his world falls apart" needs to be fleshed out a bit.? Maybe something like:? "When a control freak loses his wife, job, and home and his pet potbelly pig in one week, he..."

Or maybe he loses everything but his pet potbelly pig (that could have been the coup de gras wedge issue between him and his ex) and his objective goal is to find a good for the pet it before he commits suicide.? (And, of course, nobody want the pet.)

Whatever. Good luck.

Agreed with much of the above. I'll add that planning on doing something isn't doing it... In other words, the best characters don't just plan on doing something, they take action. What does he do aside from tieing things up and planing his suicide?