Logliner
Posted: 2020-05-05T05:19:12+10:00 In:

A mob enforcer who lives by the strict code that failure equals death, meets his match when ?3 million of mob funds is stolen by a desperate young man determined to make a difference with his life by ensuring the dirty money serves a charitable cause.

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    2 Reviews

    1. Samurai

      This was a lot to digest. The bulk of it not necessary to a logline. (Necessary to you but not to the logline.)

      When mob funds are stolen by a man who then gives them to a charitable cause, a mob enforcer must? or else/before?

      Filling these in will help you.

      INTENTION: ?

      OBSTACLE: ?

      Good luck!

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    2. Penpusher

      i actually love the premise of this, but can i ask you something? who is the protagonist, is it the mob boss, or the desperate man? if i were you i’d want that to be clearer, and its also a tad long. maybe try shortening. this is my version of yours:

      When a calculating mob boss falls victim to a loss of 3 million dollars, he meets his match by a desperate young man determined to make a difference with his life by ensuring the dirty money serves a charitable cause.

      But i actually love the idea of your film. very interesting. logline is almost there mate. just needs to be refined and tightened. good stuff!

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