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I also like your suggestion. I might play with that direction, and see what I come up with?
Glad you like the new version. After I thought about it, I wanted a more dramatic struggle, with higher stakes to draw in an audience. Thanks for the feedback!
I like that much better. Sounds like a plausible drama people would be willing to watch. It outlines the goal and the obstacle while referencing the ghosts of the past. Good job.
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