The logline for my feature film project, The Golden Dollar Thief. It’ll be the first film under the Glare Films name, with me, Christopher Skipper, as writer and director. As I write more loglines on this site, you’ll most likely start to question my imaginative visions. Just a heads up!
It follows the story of Tony “Thief” Argleton, who has been charged for committing 3rd degree burglary. That is until Officer Hayden Smyth from the FBI funded group, the VPRO (Valuable Possessions Recovery Organization), strikes a deal with Tony to steal back a 100 dollar bill encased in 24 karat gold. The golden dollar bill in question belonged to a man named Walter Kyneburg, who was killed by a group of mobsters led by Vandello Hume. If Tony is able to retrieve it in 1 week once arriving at their location, his criminal record will be wiped clean, if not, he will be given a life sentence. However, stealing something from the mafia isn’t easy, as when he successfully manages to do so, they stop at nothing to insure that he lies dead. Tony slowly begins to wonder whether or not agreeing to this task was worth it.
I am currently working on the screenplay for The Golden Dollar Thief at the time I’m writing this. Once I get it complete I’m planning on starting a KickStarter page for people to help fund for the production costs. I want this to be shot on 35mm film and have someone like Warden Wayne star as Tony Argleton. I’ll also try to get it into major film festivals and make money to get into a film college. Then again, this might not interest anybody and I might just be wasting my time. Who knows for sure? I just want to see this film succeed, so any feedback would mean the world to me.
Thanks for providing a synopsis, here are my thoughts:
1. For FBI recruiting believability think about elevating his criminal stature.
2. Since 24K gold bills have a reputation of being a novelty, I amped yours up to priceless.
3. Spotlight these “ruthless mobsters” to make your premise unique.
Example:
“An incarcerated master thief is recruited by the FBI to recover a priceless golden dollar from the Five Family syndicate in exchange for his freedom.”
I wish you the best in your endeavors and would love to see the feature, keep going!
Yeah I was trying to reply to your review but didn’t know I sent a review and from the looks of it I can’t delete it, but thanks!
Thank you so much for the review! I took your 3 suggestions and incorporated them into the logline. Sure, it’s an action packed heist film, but I’ll admit, it needs to have logic if people are going to take it seriously and I’m glad you gave me some examples. Also, your suggestion to spotlight the gangsters I think makes sense because they drive the plot forward in more ways than you think (it did take me awhile to come up with a name for them though). Overall, I think you gave some great examples in order for this film to be more realistic and I will certainly keep that in mind while writing and editing the screenplay.