by conradekeke · Initiate · 60 pts
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Categories: Horror
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"When two robbers conspire to rob from their rich friend's arts gallery shop, stealing and selling an ancient sculpture to a ghost arts collector. Their success only attracts an endless torment that taunts them and their families until they retrieve and return their friend's mysterious artifact."
-What makes them conspire to rob their rich friend's shop? Why would they turn on their friend? : When their [rich friend] does [action],?two robbers?break into his art gallery shop to steal and sell a priceless artifact.?
The last part is vague. That seems to be the bulk of the story. What "endless torment that taunts them and their families" do they attract?
When they sell a stolen ancient sculpture to a ghost arts collector, two robbers must track down the artifact and return it to the owner.?
Agreed with the above comments, perhaps if they were to need the money in order to save some one else, while a crime it's a crime for a good reason. This way you could give their modus operandi a Robin Hoodesk characteristic, and give them some for of redeeming quality.
The logline should start with the theft, then what they do about it.
"After robbing their rich friends art, two tormented robbers must steal back and return the art to their friends gallery if they are to clear their conscience."
btw dpg is correct, you need to find a way to make the lead characters sympothetic.
