After becoming immune to their technology that predicts and alters our choices, a young woman must stop a secret society’s twisted plan for humanity’s future.
by Knightrider · Maestro · 3,370 pts
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I think it sounds sexier flipping the pronoun "their". It's a freakin' secret society! Throw that shit out front. Hooked.
Also is there a better adjective for the "young" woman? A "naive" woman. An "idealistic" woman. What else is she besides young? You might get a little more oomph with a different adjective.
After becoming immune to a secret society's ?technology that predicts and alters our choices, a young woman must stop their?twisted plan for humanity's future.
This is one of the better written loglines i've seen but as far as your story is concerned this secret society could use a little more attention. What do they want and are they all over the globe? Is this an illuminati-type group or more of a Twelve Monkeys band?
This is one of the better written loglines i've seen but as far as your story is concerned this secret society could use a little more attention. What do they want and are they all over the globe? Is this an illuminati-type group or more of a Twelve Monkeys band?
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