MISSLE: Limited fuel and the LAPD heat leave a severely disabled man just one night on his two- wheeled hand-built killing machine to seek and destroy the gang that brutally murdered his brother.

"I hope the protagonist is not another White dude going after another Black or Chicano or Asian gang."

I?have no idea?what movies you're referring.

Studios and TV networks actually go out of their way to not stereotype.? Most of the time resulting in unintentional comedy

feel like I do need to add the fact that their is a time limit or denote that time is of the essence in my longline. ? I think in this retooling of the logline I am successfully establishing the protagonist, what he wants, a time limit, and the inciting incident
the hook is he is disabled. ?so he has limited movement. and I think a second "hook" is " What exactly IS this killing machine?? ?and wtf does it look like?"?

So here goes another crack at it and please let me know what you guys think, thank you .

MISSLE?

After helplessly witnessing his brother murdered by a vicious gang, a disabled man in LA?sets out one night on his homemade killing machine to seek vengeance.

(27 words)

The logline buries the inciting incident when it is SOP is to lead off with it. ?Perhaps the idea is that the complications ("limited fuel and the LAPD heat leave a severely disabled man just one night on his two- wheeled hand-built killing machine") constitute ?the hook and , ergo, are better to lead off with in order to differentiate it from ?other revenge plots. ?The logline seems to promise a non-stop, high speed, ?full bore, red line pursuit of revenge for revenge's sake. ?The protagonist is chasing the gang as the cops ("LAPD heat") chase him.

Well, there is a market for high octane, high testosterone driven stories.

I do have a concern about the story falling into the trap of ethnic stereotyping. ? I hope the protagonist is not another White dude going after another Black or Chicano or Asian gang.

?