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L.D.
Posted: September 21, 20142014-09-21T00:51:32+10:00 2014-09-21T00:51:32+10:00In: Public

An angelic warrior, tasked with eliminating his kind from the earth, must choose love or duty when he fights against a legion of renegades led by the undisclosed mother of his beloved son.

The Angel’s War

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    8 Reviews

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    1. Neer Shelter Singularity
      2014-09-21T19:35:15+10:00Added an answer on September 21, 2014 at 7:35 pm

      Its confusing to read that he needs to eliminate his kind from earth. Who tasked him with this? Why does he need to eliminate his kind? Will he eliminate himself as well? Are the renegades the ones he needs to eliminate or all his kind renegade and conformist alike?
      Are the renegades the bad guys? Are all his kind the bad guys? Is the mother of his son the antagonist?

      There are too many questions raised in an already unusual premise and the story dosn’t come across from the logline mostly because it doesn’t paint a clear image of what the MC will do in this story.

      Perhaps starts with an inciting incident and work from there or better yet figure out the climax of the story and work backwards to the inciting incident. Once you identify the inciting incident you will be able to specify the action the MC will take in the story.

      I suggest you re draft this logline to include an inciting incident then the MC’s action then the antagonist.

      Hope this helps.

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    2. Neer Shelter Singularity
      2014-09-21T19:35:15+10:00Added an answer on September 21, 2014 at 7:35 pm

      Its confusing to read that he needs to eliminate his kind from earth. Who tasked him with this? Why does he need to eliminate his kind? Will he eliminate himself as well? Are the renegades the ones he needs to eliminate or all his kind renegade and conformist alike?
      Are the renegades the bad guys? Are all his kind the bad guys? Is the mother of his son the antagonist?

      There are too many questions raised in an already unusual premise and the story dosn’t come across from the logline mostly because it doesn’t paint a clear image of what the MC will do in this story.

      Perhaps starts with an inciting incident and work from there or better yet figure out the climax of the story and work backwards to the inciting incident. Once you identify the inciting incident you will be able to specify the action the MC will take in the story.

      I suggest you re draft this logline to include an inciting incident then the MC’s action then the antagonist.

      Hope this helps.

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    3. 2014-09-22T01:54:50+10:00Added an answer on September 22, 2014 at 1:54 am

      Thank you! This is incredibly helpful and has moved me back to my beat sheet and reworking some major holes I was running into …

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    4. 2014-09-22T01:54:50+10:00Added an answer on September 22, 2014 at 1:54 am

      Thank you! This is incredibly helpful and has moved me back to my beat sheet and reworking some major holes I was running into …

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    5. dpg Singularity
      2014-09-22T04:35:06+10:00Added an answer on September 22, 2014 at 4:35 am

      What Nir said.

      And it’s news to me that angels are sexual. Hasn’t the traditional representation been that they are created beings, not procreating beings? If your angels are in the business of begetting, I suggest you may need to include an exposition beat clarifying that point somewhere in the setup of your story.

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    6. dpg Singularity
      2014-09-22T04:35:06+10:00Added an answer on September 22, 2014 at 4:35 am

      What Nir said.

      And it’s news to me that angels are sexual. Hasn’t the traditional representation been that they are created beings, not procreating beings? If your angels are in the business of begetting, I suggest you may need to include an exposition beat clarifying that point somewhere in the setup of your story.

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    7. 2014-09-22T09:46:47+10:00Added an answer on September 22, 2014 at 9:46 am

      When his best friend refuses to bow to Mankind and leads the second war in heaven against God, a warrior angel must decide between duty and love, between eradicate his rebellious brothers from the earth realm and letting them commit genocide against humanity including the child he and his friend were both originally tasked to protect.

      Like DPG said, the concept of Angels being able to procreate is so way off the usual biblical representation of angels that you’ll need a lot of explaining.
      It reminds me of the movie “Prophecy” with Eric Stolz, Christopher Walken and Virgo Mortensen. The sequel were appallingly bad, but I have fond memory of the original.

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    8. 2014-09-22T09:46:47+10:00Added an answer on September 22, 2014 at 9:46 am

      When his best friend refuses to bow to Mankind and leads the second war in heaven against God, a warrior angel must decide between duty and love, between eradicate his rebellious brothers from the earth realm and letting them commit genocide against humanity including the child he and his friend were both originally tasked to protect.

      Like DPG said, the concept of Angels being able to procreate is so way off the usual biblical representation of angels that you’ll need a lot of explaining.
      It reminds me of the movie “Prophecy” with Eric Stolz, Christopher Walken and Virgo Mortensen. The sequel were appallingly bad, but I have fond memory of the original.

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