Crestfallen
An overzealous father gives up on life after he causes a family tragedy; his selfless daughter battling with her own pain must cling onto her faith to save him.
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1: ‘Family tragedy’ is impersonal and vague. ‘death of his son’ ‘loss of their family home’ ‘death of his wife’, is more personal. It will help draw in the reader of your logline if you are specific what the tragedy actually is.
2: It seem from the logline the daughter is the main character, so the loglne should be written from her perspective not the fathers.
3: ‘Clinging onto faith’ isn’t very proactive. you should be more specific to what she actually does to save her father.
Anyway, it seem like a good idea for a story and with a few specifics, hopefully your logline will be as good as your story.
Hope that helped, good luck with this.
1: ‘Family tragedy’ is impersonal and vague. ‘death of his son’ ‘loss of their family home’ ‘death of his wife’, is more personal. It will help draw in the reader of your logline if you are specific what the tragedy actually is.
2: It seem from the logline the daughter is the main character, so the loglne should be written from her perspective not the fathers.
3: ‘Clinging onto faith’ isn’t very proactive. you should be more specific to what she actually does to save her father.
Anyway, it seem like a good idea for a story and with a few specifics, hopefully your logline will be as good as your story.
Hope that helped, good luck with this.
As Richiev said.
“gives up on life” — what does that mean? That’s he going to commit suicide? Or…?
“family tragedy” — vague, uninformative. What exactly did he do?
“clinging to her faith” — again, vague, uninformative.
As Richiev said.
“gives up on life” — what does that mean? That’s he going to commit suicide? Or…?
“family tragedy” — vague, uninformative. What exactly did he do?
“clinging to her faith” — again, vague, uninformative.
This logline feels too vague for me … I can’t picture your story at all. What is the specific family tragedy, and how is the father responsible for it? In what manner (taking what action) does his daughter ‘save’ him?
This logline feels too vague for me … I can’t picture your story at all. What is the specific family tragedy, and how is the father responsible for it? In what manner (taking what action) does his daughter ‘save’ him?