by savinh0 · Showrunner · 2,300 pts
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After reading the comments and trying to understand your story, I think you are describing a Rites Of Passage story In this genre, the MC is faced with a "coming of age" choice between two paths.
In your story, the MC has to choose between settling down in his ancestral home or continuing to lead a carefree life of travel. For this genre, Blake Snyder lists the three essential ingredients: a life problem, the wrong way to attack the problem, and a solution that involves acceptance. So maybe something like:
After facing the potential loss of his ancestral home, a carefree traveler must choose between his easygoing lifestyle and his stodgy parents home.
The revised version is still problematic in that it gives the main character two goals when a logline should only list one: 1] save the building; 2] retain his independent lifestyle.
Furthermore, the two goals are not causally linked; the fate of one is not bound to the fate of the other. His parents could sell the building -- but the main character could still retain his personal independence.
Finally, it's difficult to understand why he cares -- or why the audience should care -- about his childhood home. If the home was so important to him, why has he been traveling around the world? Why didn't he just stay home?
The revised version is still problematic in that it gives the main character two goals when a logline should only list one: 1] save the building; 2] retain his independent lifestyle.
Furthermore, the two goals are not causally linked; the fate of one is not bound to the fate of the other. His parents could sell the building -- but the main character could still retain his personal independence.
Finally, it's difficult to understand why he cares -- or why the audience should care -- about his childhood home. If the home was so important to him, why has he been traveling around the world? Why didn't he just stay home?
