When a disgraced former agent starts seeing a hallucination claiming to be a AI downloaded into his mind, he must team with his secretive partner to stop the agent’s former clandestine agency from activating a devastating machine the AI’s designed to protect.

Categories:

More details Hide

Administration Required

8 reviews

In the current re draft of the logline (which was posted as an edited replacement of the original post) the first sentence: "?When the government reactivates a long lost Cold War computer, two competing A.Is emerge?" describes backstory instead of an inciting incident.

The reason this is not the inciting incident is because the MC "...an unfinished, self doubting A.I ?" begins his or her existence from the supposed inciting incident onwards reactivating the computer.

The nature of an inciting incident is to cause a sudden significant change in the life of the MC and force them to take action. By virtue of being bought into existence by the supposed inciting incident the MC is thrust into action. If the audience is viewing this from the dramatic point of view of the MC, then being in conflict with the other AI is the normal existence for the AI. Therefore an inciting incident would need to be a significant event that dramatically changes this norm for the MC and forces him to try and fix things.

Further more this logline describes a situation of conflict as appose to a plot because the MC has no clear goal. By this I mean it is understood that the good AI will want to stop the bad AI and save the world but it is not specified.

Also stopping the bad guy or AI such as in Virtuosity is a vague goal in its own right because it has become a stock standard ambition for most good guys by now; James Bond, Austen Powers and Superman as examples. What exactly will the good AI do to achieve his goal? This could help differentiate between his story and other good guys stories.

Lastly what is his personalty flaw as a fully fledged AI he should have a personality and as a self-aware being he needs to have a journey of change, what is his hero's journey?

Always include the stakes, or at least a hint, in the logline.

Your story is broad and could be anything. Including the following:

When a low-ranking agent discovers a computer plot to destroy the country, he struggles to stop the malicious software after his agency job is abruptly terminated.

Thanks that helps a lot. I'll look to make some tweaks

More in Public

See all →
  1. 1
  2. A question about The Departed and Donnie Brasco

    Neer Shelter · · · 9 reviews · 239 views

    Review now →

  3. 2

Browse all loglines →