In an isolated castle the 12th in line to the Earl of Northwattington, a young man attends the late Earl’s will reading but one by one the heirs are being killed. He tries to save them but is undermined by his money hungry fianc

Hi Nir

Not sure exactly how it ends. It is wordy, I will reword it to drop the word count. Try to stop a series of deaths in a comedy may be a goal.

I'll post a revision.

It's too long and it lacks a clear action for the MC to take.

Does he stop the murders? If so, how does he do it?

Also, "...young man..." is too generic for a logline, what kind of young man is he?

The more I think of it. I think an interesting angle may be that he is trying to save them. But they are so delusional that they can't bwlieve that people are killing them. He is the only sensible person. His actions are to try and save them. This is also the tension with his fianc?.

I am not even sure who is doing the killing or why yet.

I am using the logline to help me develop the thoughts and story.