Logliner
Posted: 2019-03-24T02:03:14+10:00 In:

When a killer threatens the streets of Austin, a Texas Blues loving police detective with a photographic memory, and her charismatic, gay partner are forced to form an unlikely, and tempestuous alliance with former professional athlete both detectives suspect of murder.

When a killer threatens the streets of Austin, a Texas Blues loving police detective with a photographic memory, and her charismatic, gay partner are forced to form an unlikely, and tempestuous alliance with former professional athlete both detectives suspect of murder.
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    2 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      There may? be an interesting crime story here, but I’m not sure.? It seems to me the plot line needs to be clarified and the characterization may need a polish.

      >>When a killer
      Better: When a serial killer? (that’s what he is, right? Otherwise there’s no ongoing threat.)

      >>Texas Blues loving
      Something to include in the script, of course, to flesh out the character, but extraneous to the logline.? A logline? need only describe the protagonist in terms of a flaw, a weakness that she will have to eventually overcome to achieve her objective. I can’t imagine that her love of the Texas Blues is in any way going to be a serious impediment to her apprehending the murderer.

      >>gay partner
      Is that an issue between them? Does it create a conflict that threatens to hamper their ability to work together to catch the killer? If it’s not an issue, than I’m not sure it needs to be included in the logline.

      In fact, I’m not sure the partner needs to be mentioned at all. Is he a co-protagonist?? Or is his role that of the colorful sidekick? If he’s the latter, than I suggest streamlining the logline to focus on the protagonist because she is the character leading the investigation,? right?? So? in the logline focus on the character who is in the driver’s seat of the plot;? it is not necessary to include in the logline the one in the passenger seat.

      The more important character? who? can’t be excised from the logline is the:

      >>Professional athlete
      How so? Football? Basketball? Baseball? Be specific.

      >>suspect of murder.
      Is he a suspect in the murders under investigation? Or is he a suspect in other murders?

      >>>to form an unlikely, and tempestuous alliance
      The fact that she must partner up with the athlete who himself is a suspect implicitly says it’s an unlikely alliance that’s going to? be fraught with tension. What is implicit need not be made explicit in a logline that is already 41 words in length.

      So, as I interpret your logline, the core of the story is:

      To apprehend a serial murderer, a female police detective must form an alliance with a ex-professional athlete who is the prime murder suspect.
      (23 words)

      Hope this helps.

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    2. Singularity

      >>>>included the partner in the logline.

      Okay.? That can make sense for a series.

      Have you thought about making her lesbian and him straight? I mean, if you’re going to play the sexual orientation card…

      And does it need to be set in? liberal, glamorous Austin?? Could it be set in a city or large town in arid vastness of West Texas or the high plains of the Panhandle or the piney woods of East Texas — somewhere her (or his) sexual orientation would come into conflict with more conservative social values? Austin may have the glitz and glamour, but in my sojourns through the Lonely Star State I found more interesting people and situations outside the urban fleshpots of Austin, Houston? and Dallas-Ft Worth.

      Just a thought.

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