Jim

Initiate · 60 points

40 points to Logliner

Rank2 badges

Daily challenge0 of 8 badges

Nothing solved yet — today's puzzle is live.

Reviews

← All activity

on Some believe We are One with all there is, connected to the spiritual realms, forces of Nature, animals and are born to do good unto others. But, when the darkness in our world grows too strong, what brings those of the Oneness, three women and a man together, to rise up against the Roman Empire and their God of War?

This is a terrible logline and an even worse idea for a movie.
on A moving man, unaware of valuable objects in his storage, finds himself chased by mobsters on one side and the US military on the other.

This story sounds like it would be much more dramatic if he was aware of the treasure in his storage. The way the logline reads makes me think of a passive character reacting to the mob and US military.
on A dangerous serial killer charms his way into a single Mom’s life which brings a talented FBI agent out of retirement to work on the case whilst supernatural Neptune is also awakened to help.

The problem with this logline is that is starts off as a serial killer story and ends as a fantasy story.
on When a global pandemic strikes, a construction crew in the midst of building a mysterious billionaire’s remote New Zealand bunker attempt to save themselves by sheltering inside it. However, they risk their own lives when their client arrives wanting to use it and they refuse to leave.

Your logline is solid, it contains the main conflict, the stakes, the characters, and it suggests a genre as well. The only issue is that it's too long.