Alan Smithee

Mentor · 3,175 points

6,825 points to Overlord

0 loglines
205 reviews

No loglines yet.

on In the near future a young woman works for a corrupt committee imposing radical parental exams on couples to control population growth.

If I mention any more about the young woman then the logline will turn into a synopsis. She goes though a lot changes while working for the committee.
on In an alternate 1930s metropolis, an airplane mechanic turned cyborg and an heiress turned adventurer must form a team to battle gangsters who have stolen experimental technology and plan to take over the city.

Maybe instead of mentioning the cyborg part and the heiress turn adventurer part just write two unlikely partners team together...? Also don't mention the stolen tech and just mention that gangsters want to take over the city.
on A demonically supercharged serial killer dupes his way into a single mother’s life which rouses a talented FBI agent from retirement and awakens Poseidon.

I am keeping it simple to keep the mystery. This script is 40 pages. If you read it you'll get the just ? you have helped yes because you've given me a clue of a scene I needed to place…
on A dangerous serial killer charms his way into a single Mom’s life which brings a talented FBI agent out of retirement to work on the case whilst supernatural Neptune is also awakened to help.

Thanks I will keep working on the logline!
on Jinn returns home, confident he can save his daughter’s soul and bring her back to life, but at the cost of his sanity. [v2] [Short Film] [ Dark Fantasy] [Horror]

Also you should leave out v2 , short film and dark fantasy horror. Instead of Jinn maybe dad..?
on Professor Tai Russo returns cursed artifacts from Noveau Island where 17th century Scottish spirit was exiled to and Tai must find the spirit peace before the artifacts possessive powers take over.

You could leave out the profs name and that the spirit was exiled. Other than that its good.
on Cutting Corners When a veteran and a rookie contract killer happen to kill the wrong guy for a mafia kingpin, “they race against time to produce a new body before ending up next on the hit-list:” A real killer story.

Yes sounds confusing and the way you place the question mark.
on A moving man, unaware of valuable objects in his storage, finds himself chased by mobsters on one side and the US military on the other.

Looks great thanks..!!!
on A moving man, unaware of valuable objects in his storage, finds himself chased by mobsters on one side and the US military on the other.

Mover is a former stuntman turn mover due to lack of movie work in order to support his family. The objects are alien artifacts that the military want back and also stolen mob money he has but unaware of.
on A dangerous serial killer charms his way into a single Mom’s life which brings a talented FBI agent out of retirement to work on the case whilst supernatural Neptune is also awakened to help.

It can have both.