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A timid taxi driver must foil a contract killer’s plan to kill five people in one night after being forced to transport him around L.A.
Paul Clarke:You raised an interesting point.? Yes, it's a great twist for Max, the taxi driver, to discover that Annie, the attorney he flirted with, is on the hit list.But...With one exception, the general rule is that the logline focuses on events up to the transition into Act 2.? That is, the eveRead more
Paul Clarke:
You raised an interesting point.? Yes, it’s a great twist for Max, the taxi driver, to discover that Annie, the attorney he flirted with, is on the hit list.
But…
With one exception, the general rule is that the logline focuses on events up to the transition into Act 2.? That is, the events that can quickly hook an audience’s interest.? In this age of multitasking minds, when people have so many options for entertainment so many distractions, I think it’s accurate to say that it’s more imperative than ever that a film quickly grab and hold attention.? Before something else does.
The exception is that sometimes (space permitting) it’s good to include the MPR (Midpoint Reversal), when it entails? a cool twist that “sweetens” the initial hook.
However, Max doesn’t discover Annie is on the hit list until 94 minutes into the film.? That’s f-a-r too late to qualify as the MPR.? Indeed, the discovery can be said to be the inciting incident of the last act.
See lessA celebrity priest renounces his faith after mistakenly believing he cured children of cystic fibrosis, only to discover they were victims of Munchhausen by Proxy.
I have to agree with both dpb and glannis, I can't tell whether the story starts with the priest renouncing his father, or if renouncing his faith is the end of the story and the script is all about the events that lead up to that conclusion.
I have to agree with both dpb and glannis,
I can’t tell whether the story starts with the priest renouncing his father, or if renouncing his faith is the end of the story and the script is all about the events that lead up to that conclusion.
See lessAfter discovering that his mother is dying, an exiled gangster turned priest must reconcile with the family he abandoned; but when his vengeful ex partner in crime threatens their lives, he must choose between his faith and his family.
A rewrite, just for the sake of tightening (and fixing the fact that it seems to have 2 inciting incidents):After discovering his mother is dying, an exiled gangster turned priest must confront his vengeful ex partner in crime, in order to return and see her.In case the final "her" confuses the readRead more
A rewrite, just for the sake of tightening (and fixing the fact that it seems to have 2 inciting incidents):
In case the final “her” confuses the reader (since “her” can be the ex partner in crime), you can also say:
People on this forum have mentioned several times (and rightly so) that “choosing between A and B” or “deciding something” cannot be the logline’s ACTION.
Choosing or deciding, first of all, is an internal process. Find the externalised manifestation of it and call it ACTION.
Second, choosing/deciding is a momentary action. So, he chooses A. The end. Unless complications arise. Then, we need to know how he deals with the complications. That, then, is the action, not “choosing.”
But your logline is definitely in better shape now.
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