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A man at his job in the office, discovers an email that states he has won a free 1 week trip to the millionaire host's house (which is hidden from civilization). little did he know that the host is an insane psychopathic maniac and tries to harm him and turn him into a panda bear and smuggle him across the US. now it's up to the main character to escape with his life, find civilization, and get help.
Hello, "a man" is too vague as a description for the main character. You have to focus on the most important elements to make the logline shorter. For exemple: "When a clumsy clerk win a week at a millionaire's mansion in the middle of the jungle, he find himself prisoner of his crazy host and mustRead more
Hello, “a man” is too vague as a description for the main character.
You have to focus on the most important elements to make the logline shorter.
For exemple:
“When a clumsy clerk win a week at a millionaire’s mansion in the middle of the jungle, he find himself prisoner of his crazy host and must escape before being turned into a panda bear.”
And if it’s a comedy (I hope so) you should use a funnier style in the logline.
See lessA bus driver trying to get home for his daughter's birthday is confronted with his sinister past when a sadistic passenger with a score to settle refuses to get off at the last stop.
Thank you both for you're comments. I'm redrafting as a result. Very helpful. It's so hard balancing too much detail and not enough. Forever re-writing!
Thank you both for you’re comments. I’m redrafting as a result. Very helpful. It’s so hard balancing too much detail and not enough. Forever re-writing!
See lessThree kids who are self proclaimed ‘kings of the school” get their comeuppance when a kid they bullied along with the principal posts embarrassing and inappropriate videos to facebook and youtube.
Agreed with Richiev not sure who the MC is? What is the inciting incident? What does the MC want? Where are these videos being sent to? What is at stake? Hope this helps.
Agreed with Richiev not sure who the MC is?
What is the inciting incident? What does the MC want? Where are these videos being sent to? What is at stake?
Hope this helps.
See less