1. Posted: August 5, 2015In:

    A bus driver trying to get home for his daughter's birthday is confronted with his sinister past when a sadistic passenger with a score to settle refuses to get off at the last stop.

    Ed Vassie Penpusher

    Thank you both for you're comments. I'm redrafting as a result. Very helpful. It's so hard balancing too much detail and not enough. Forever re-writing!

    Thank you both for you’re comments. I’m redrafting as a result. Very helpful. It’s so hard balancing too much detail and not enough. Forever re-writing!

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  2. Posted: August 6, 2015In:

    Three kids who are self proclaimed ‘kings of the school” get their comeuppance when a kid they bullied along with the principal posts embarrassing and inappropriate videos to facebook and youtube.

    Neer Shelter Singularity

    Agreed with Richiev not sure who the MC is? What is the inciting incident? What does the MC want? Where are these videos being sent to? What is at stake? Hope this helps.

    Agreed with Richiev not sure who the MC is?
    What is the inciting incident? What does the MC want? Where are these videos being sent to? What is at stake?

    Hope this helps.

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  3. Posted: August 4, 2015In:

    A retired golf enthusiast is scammed out of his life savings and a country club membership, but when he sees an old man die and moves up to number five on the waiting list, he devises a killer plan to jump to #1

    CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter

    I was going refer to "the axe" the film about a someone killing themselves into a job. Find the main goal and build your line around that. Could be fun.

    I was going refer to “the axe” the film about a someone killing themselves into a job. Find the main goal and build your line around that. Could be fun.

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