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When a heartbroken virgin is seduced and humiliated by a movie star she decides to take matters into her own hands.
Hello, "she decides to take matters into her own hands" is too vague in my opinion, I have no clue about what will happens in the movie.
Hello, “she decides to take matters into her own hands” is too vague in my opinion, I have no clue about what will happens in the movie.
See lessA retired homicide detective must figure out why everybody below the age of 65 have died at their computers, which are all running a pointless game where avatars are stalked and killed by a monster. To make matters worse there’s nobody left to run the nursing home, food is running out, and Mrs Everett needs to go to the bathroom.
No need to get all that into the logline most of what you wrote in your last pot is back story, your logline needs to describe the forward motion of action in pursuit of a goal not the past. After the sudden death of all people under 65 a retired detective must investigate what happened in order toRead more
No need to get all that into the logline most of what you wrote in your last pot is back story, your logline needs to describe the forward motion of action in pursuit of a goal not the past.
After the sudden death of all people under 65 a retired detective must investigate what happened in order to do what?
This is most of your logline as it describes the plot that will be in your story only thing that is not clear at this point is what is his goal. If all under 65 died and no one over 65 will die so now what? That is a bad thing but what will happen if he fails or succeeds? What is there left for him to do? What are the stakes?
See lessWhen his wife is kidnapped, a modern-day sorcerer (and NYC detective) hunts down her sadistic captor; but when the trail goes cold and even his supernatural friends can't help him, he must learn that love is the most powerful magic of all, before his wife is lost forever.
Simplicity is key in a logline but never let it get confusing due to lack of critical detail. I think that New York cops have a stigma of being pragmatic, tough and cynical more than others, perhaps thats just me. I also think if the story is placed on the streets of New York it makes for a more intRead more
Simplicity is key in a logline but never let it get confusing due to lack of critical detail.
I think that New York cops have a stigma of being pragmatic, tough and cynical more than others, perhaps thats just me. I also think if the story is placed on the streets of New York it makes for a more interesting setting for a super natural fantasy story as appose to the cliche setting of “in the woods” or “in a remote village”.
As previously mentioned best to describe a single goal at the end of a logline so; finding the wife, stopping the bad guy and preventing her being killed should all be described as a single goal. In my mind saving her life is the best and most economic way of doing this, as both finding her and stopping the bad guy are then implicit.
My suggestion for a re draft with a minor tweak:
See lessAfter his wife is kidnapped by a sadistic sorcerer a sceptic New York detective must work with a clairvoyant wizard to save her life.