Penpusher
Posted: 2013-06-23T01:10:01+10:00 In:

After lying to her co-workers about being in a relationship, a corporate control freak is forced to bring her ex-fiance with her on a family oriented work retreat

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    3 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      “After lying about her marital status, a corporate control freak is forced to bring her uncouth unemployed ex to a corporate retreat to avoid her fabrication being discovered.”

      (If her ex was also a part of “Occupy Wall street” there could be some fun conflict in this)

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    2. It’s a decent rom-com premise, but there’s a bit too much info in the logline. How about:

      A corporate control freak is forced to bring her slacker ex-boyfriend on a family-oriented work retreat in order to maintain her lie about being in a relationship.

      I don’t think it’s necessary to say why she told the lie in the logline, unless that element is a vital part of the story.

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    3. Penpusher

      Thanks for your comments. Lets see how the edited version goes.

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