Sparks Fly
fighter200Penpusher
A mentally challenged teen who is imprisoned because he accidentally murdered somebody falls in love with his therapist against her better judgment
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First you should try to avoid using the word Mental twice if possible.
Second, do mental hospitals have Wardens? I’ve never been in one but it seems weird. I know prisons have wardens but you would think a mental hospital would have a head doctor.
Anyway those are just little details, sounds like a great idea,
Hope that helped, good luck with this!
Agreed with Richiev that you should look into both those issues.
Also; I want to hear in the logline the event that landed him in the mental hospital; this could either suggest an internal journey for an audience, or provide the irony that would make this character pop right out of the logline and into my imagination.
Otherwise, an interesting premise.
All the problems with the premise mentioned by the others. And what business does the daughter of the hospital administrator have being on the premises? Mental hospitals are not a zoo where just anyone can walk in and gawk at the inmates.
I suggest that a more interesting premise would be a disturbed teenager who falls for his therapist. And then, against her better judgment and professional training, despite the age difference, the therapist falls for the teen.
Hi,
I agree with DPG. The way your logline reads it sounds like its about a boy who is mentally challenged, which I take to mean slow, for want of a better word. I’m guessing you mean that he’s actually mentally disturbed, hence why he is in a facility.
Perhaps it would be clearer if you stated what he suffers from to enable the reader to distinguish and visualize your film.
The idea around the therapist is a good one. The director of the hospital would be just as concerned of that as his daughter. Or you could make her a young/fresh/naive therapist.
Good luck
Hi, this is better. Can you tell me what the main characters condition is. I’m still confused as to whether he’s developmentally delayed or chemically imbalanced. Depending on which it is, that’s two very different films.
>>A mentally challenged
Vague. Is he cognitively deficient or psychologically disordered? Or both?
>>falls in love with his therapist against her better judgment
What? He falls in love — and it’s her fault? As written, your logline blames the victim.