“Man With A Van”
A recently unemployed man purchases a van to make money helping people move. Through this, he encounters a persuasive gentleman who offers him extra pay to transport illegal goods. After accepting the offer, a chain of events spiral into a sticky situation where he must use instincts to save his own life.
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Love the title. Agree with other comments that the description is too wordy. Does the man have to know that he is transporting illegal goods? Could he be a good guy duped by the offer of a quick buck into something he never expected?
The description of an ‘unemployed man’ seems to offer the assumption that he will do anything and not consider the consequences which of course, he does. Was he a shifty sort? Is that why he accepted the ‘job’ or was the offer something foreign to him? Perhaps it would be helpful to know more about the man and his motivation and the theme – not just the plot.
First, I think it’s too long. Cut it down to 25 words max. Also, use sharp, easy-to-read language. Only use adverbs if they’re really necessary. Here’s a suggestion (I’ve added a few ideas of my own):
“An unemployed man buys a removal van as a last attempt to save his family, but finds himself transporting a dirty bomb at gunpoint; destination: The White House.”