Vows of War
A rural Kansas family believes that love conquers all and good will always win out over evil until their daughter meets a young combat soldier with a bright future just as Iraq is breaking out.
Share
Have an account? Sign In Now
Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
Hi,
It sounds like the goal is to more or less remain in control as her life spirals out of control. Personally I think the story would work better if the soldier was her son. The mother and son bond is recognizable and therefore will make your story more plausible. I think a newly introduced boyfriend won’t offer the investment emotionally that your logline suggests.
Perhaps she becomes obsessive to the point that she neglects the rest of the family, thus creating tension and resentment.
My only other suggestion would be to focus on the human elements rather than the patriotism so that it has universal appeal – assuming you want universal appeal.
I’m falling in love with you, dpg. Thanks for pushing me through this stage.
Her objective is to lead her family into becoming a supportive military family WITHOUT isolating herself or distancing herself – without losing her relationships with the 99% of America that is the non-military culture.
Did I hit it?
It’s a character virtue to be compassionate and concerned about others, to wish them happiness and success. But it is a character flaw to be emotionally dependent, on others; to have one’s happiness contingent on the happiness and welfare of others.
But again, that’s a subjective issue. Ditto with “widening her world view”; not only is it subjective, it’s not her dramatic goal. It’s not something she desperately wants to amend, revise, or abandon for a “wider her world view”. Rather she wants to defend and preserve her narrow and na?ve and illusionary world view against harsh reality. Defending a “narrow world view” doesn’t work as an objective goal because: 1] it’s fundamentally a subjective need; and 2] it’s passive and reactive.
The question in my mind is: what is a specific objective goal (person, place or thing) that she actively and outwardly (you can see the struggle right there on the screen) struggles to obtain?
No religion in the story. But yes, the belief that if everything is done exactly right, the soldier will come home safe. Love conquers all. That throwing herself at supporting her daughter and new husband will tip the odds. Naive belief or optimism that she will survive unscathed, that she controls her life and the outcome.
Interesting. I haven’t read anything out of the bible since 2nd grade. I saw this story as a mix of the midwestern work ethic, the belief that America is always in the right, the bad guys will always get what they deserve. A limited world view that was sufficient and comforting for her until events from Iraq crushed it and forced her to see the world as a more dangerous and unjust place – the world that many Americans were feeling after the violence of 9/11.
I’ll look at the Book of Job. Thank you again!
So, you conceive her objective goal is to live a virtuous life which she thinks will be rewarded by the safe return of her daughter’s soldier boyfriend (or husband)? That’s her religious faith?
And she lives a virtuous life only to have everything go wrong in her family and around her?
Sounds like a modern day version of the Book of Job.
The mother believed her objective was to love harder, work harder, give more, live a clean caring life and it would bring their soldier home safely. Her transformation happens as she gets broken down with incident after incident beyond her control and becomes the mother of “every soldier” – part of the 1% of America whose lives are hidden as they fight America’s wars to protect the freedoms of the 99%. Again – thank you so much. This is a great process to help me clarify my logline messaging.
What’s the mother’s objective goal?
The mother of the daughter. Watching the daughter transform into what is expected of a good military wife so she can support her soldier. Watching them get beaten up by events they can’t control. Knowing that the soldier’s death would destroy her daughter and take down the whole family. Bursting of the protective bubble that Americans live in – that we are a just and compassionate country – that the good guys always wear white – that flying our flag and watching the news are valid ways of showing our patriotism. Thanks for asking! It helps me immensely to hear your thoughts.
Who’s the main character, the daughter, the soldier or one of the family members?
The part that says “believes that love conquers all and good will always win out over evil” is a bit of a mouthful and not completely necessary. Try shortening it down to something like “A rural Kansas family who is optimistic about love questions their convictions when their daughter falls for a young combat soldier just as the war in Iraq is breaking out.”.
He is a super guy, high achiever, highly promoted. But the I.E.D.’s blow up and lives get destroyed – over there and for the family at home. Love won’t protect you in a war zone. Does that help? I appreciate your feedback! I’m rewriting and revising all the time to try and get this thing right!
I have a question, The family believes that love conquers all, but why does that change after the daughter meets he soldier? He seems to be an ok guy.